Tobi Magill and Her African Adventure!

Home!!!

2009-11-04T17:56:00.003-05:00

Despite previous airport adventures, this trip was long but rather uneventful. All my flights were on time, my bags arrived without any damage, I arrived without any damage, and things went scarily smoothly.

We left Cotonou, Benin around 10:30pm on the 2nd of Nov., arriving in Paris on the morning of the 3rd Nov. It was cold and rainy and the airport was rather drafty. Seeing as I hadn't gotten much sleep over the previous 24 hours, I wrapped up in a flannel travel blanket I had, used my backpack as a pillow and slept off-and-on for the next few hours. I did move from laying on the floor to laying across a few empty seats, eventually, because of the draft, which only slightly helped. Our flight from Paris to Atlanta was very long. We flew northwest across the English channel towards the southern tip of England; then further up and northwest, coming close to the southern tip of Greenland; then to the northern tip of Canada and followed the coast down to Atlanta. It was really cloudy so I didn't get to see any of those interesting places from the air, and though it was probably the safest way to fly (almost always somewhere to land the plane) it made for a very, very long flight. The neat thing about AirFrance, though, is that they have personal tv screens for each passenger in the seat in front of them! They have a wide variety of movies or tv series to watch, games to play, music, news, and other things! I got to catch up on several movies I didn't get to see before I left! I especially liked "Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs!" Hysterical!!!

Anyhow, landing in Atlanta, I had enough time to make it through immigration into the U.S. and get to my gate with time to sip some hot tea before flying to Pittsburgh. The tea was good but, I discovered, decaffeinated!!! Aaaahhhhh!!! I did a lot of head bobbing and snoozing after boarding and as the plane took off, but found that it was enough to make me sociable for the rest of the flight! We landed in Pittsburgh a little earlier than expected. As I made my way down to the baggage claim, I figured it would be really crowded and difficult to find my bags. But when I got down there, there was no one there and my bags were some of the few on the carousel! I guess most of my co-passengers had connecting flights! So I grabbed my bags, met my family out front and we were off. We got home just before midnight on the 3rd of Nov.

The last few days have been spent catching up on mail, a little shopping, unpacking, SLEEPING(!!!!), visiting a few friends and family members, handing out the gifts I had purchased, and otherwise adjusting to being back in my life! I am glad to be home but miss my friends still on board the ship. And though my body is home, my brain is still on the ship's schedule! The first morning, I was awake at 8:30am. Surprised, my mom told me that she thought I'd sleep until noon, considering we got in so late. "It is noon." I replied! (LOL! My internal clock is still on African time!) Aside from that, I am adjusting fairly well.

I have not really had much further direction as far as what I am to do now. So, knowing that God can change my plans at anytime, I contacted my home health care agency and told them that I'd be available for some part time hours--just picking up "as needed" hours. Since I came back with a farewell present from the ship (a head cold that we've been passing around for the last few months) and with all of the concern about Swine Flu, I will not need to start work for another week or more yet. God is so good in ways that I don't deserve! Coming home has been really relaxing without feeling like I need to jump into a whirlwind schedule. It's been easy, lots of time for catching up on things, and just very....therapeutic! A vacation after the vacation! But beyond the job and the missions conference next week, I have no idea what I'm doing! But I know God's working and that's enough for me. I'm enjoying today.

Here in northwestern Pennsylvania, it is beautiful fall weather--bright blue sky with warm sunshine and cool crisp air, grass still green but leaves brown and gathering on the ground, the preparations for winter beginning but not rushed, and a relaxing Saturday afternoon promised! It's good to be home today!

You know, I'm finding something true that I've always known is true but needed reminded about. God is still the same God here at home as He was to me in Africa. The distractions may be different but God isn't. And it's still my relationship to Him that counts most of all. I find that I can wait patiently (for the most part) because "I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day." (2 Timothy 1:12) My God is big enough to handle anything. I just need to trust, obey, and enjoy today for the things He has for me today. I think of the words of one of my favorite children's songs:

"My God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God can not do...FOR YOU! My God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God can not do...FOR YOU! The mountains are His. The valleys are His. The stars are His handiwork, too. My God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God can not do...FOR YOU!"

Final Hours....

2009-11-02T06:37:00.003-05:00

Thank you to all of you who responded to me! It's been fun hearing who all reads this blog.

So it's now November 2nd already and the time for my flight out is less than 12 hours away. In many ways, I feel sad to leave the friends I've made here and the work I've been doing but I am ready. God knows that I plan 6 months ahead of time to be spontaneous (most of the time, anyway!) so big changes don't go over so well with me unless they're brought on gradually. However, God in His wisdom knows exactly how He has made me and prepares me in so many small ways for what He's bringing next. He starts working long before I ever have the haziest glimpse of what's intended, setting little things in my path or bringing me into contact with certain people for reasons known only to Him. And that's okay. I know that He'll show me the whole picture when He's ready.

In the same way He prepared me to come, He's prepared me to leave. Alas, my heart is not for Africa, though I have enjoyed my adventures here. God has another place for me. This has been a little frustrating to try to communicate to my African friends, however! One told me that I needed to fast and pray for three days so that I would know God wanted me to stay here! Another told me that she did not believe that God would take me away from Africa (...and her brother!!!LOL!) and that she is praying God will give me a different answer! I told her, "By all means! Pray!" God is just as capable of making His will known to her as He has to me. I keep an open mind...I would not say "never" with Africa but for now, God has definitely not placed it in my heart. So what next?

Honestly....I have no idea! That's a fun place to start, huh? I have tentatively made some plans to return to picking up a few hours here and there for the home healthcare agency I work for--picking up "as needed" or PRN hours for different families. My sister has graciously had my apartment and bills while I've been playing sailor so I will head back home to that. I will probably start looking for a "real" job after Christmas. Also, several of my friends from Mercy Ships and I will be attending a large medical missions conference in Louisville, Kentucky about 1-1/2 weeks after I get home--we'll rent a cabin at a campsite together and just get to hang out, be girls, go to the conference, and have fun! I'm looking forward to that! After that comes American Thanksgiving then Christmas activities start. I don't think I'll be too bored!!! All that said, my plans are very tentative only because I need to be thinking ahead a little but God has not yet told me what He's got in mind. I know it will be different in some way from what I was doing before but that's about as much as I know! So for now...my plans are to get on a plane headed for Paris and then Atlanta and then Pittsburgh and VERY cold temperatures!!!

We decided that hot weather is not so oppressive if you don't know the exact temperature. This past week has started to get very, very hot--a dry hot but still very, very hot! (A "dry hot"--as in, low humidity though you can still just about wring out your clothes after a few hours outside!) But without a thermometer to glance at all the time, you really have no idea how warm it truly is; therefore, your mind can't keep reminding you how hot you ought to be! That said, I'm hoping that NOT knowing the temperatures back home will prevent me from feeling so cold, though I do know that there have been rumors of snow! I'll have to let you know if that theory works or not! ...You never know, I may have everybody throwing away their thermometers before you know it! But I can't really claim full credit for such a theory--my sister-in-law has a similar theory for clocks and how late you get to sleep...you know, feels like longer if you don't see what time the clock says before you finally get around to going to sleep! I agree. Sometimes ignorance IS bliss!

Well, I have some more work and packing to do and a few more good-byes to say before I leave! I will talk to you next from Stateside and let you know what kind of adventures I had in my travels. Airport, airplanes, and I generally make for a very interesting combination!

My Readers..Who are you and where are from?

2009-10-26T09:42:00.003-04:00

Okay. So my curiosity has gotten the better of me! Only a few of the people who regularly read my blog are listed in the "Followers" section and even some listed there I don't believe I've met. Also, I hear random comments from time-to-time about people who read regulargly and I had no idea. I would LOVE to hear from you--who you are, what you do, where you're from, what you think of what I've written or how I've set things up on the blog, etc... . (Since I'm very technically challenged and starting a slideshow on this blog is my greatest feat thus far in life, there are no gaurantees I can change things but your suggestions would be helpful! I can always find technical gurus to consult!) Also, I really want to get to know why this blog appealed to you--are you a nurse? do you have an interest in missions? do you just like random stories from exotic destinations? just knew me and thus felt obligated to read in case I asked you something about it when I get home? Or just thought, "Hhhhmmm...the title sounds like the beginning of a good book..." and found it to be almost as big as a book and are now stuck in curiosity at what might happen next? OR ... are you one of those people who live at their computer, rarely see daylight and are simply reading because there's nothing else to do right now? Really....any answer at all will do, no matter how outrageous!!! This blog in-and-of-itself has been an adventure for me and practice for the time when I am in full-time ministry, as my profile talks about. Thanks for sticking with me!!! I look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,
Tobi Magill bigtomagill@juno.com

Finishing Well and Hyper, Hungry Little Boys...

2009-10-26T08:18:00.002-04:00

I'm afraid that I've come down to my last week here on the Africa Mercy. Though part of me is ready to be home, another part is wanting to stay. However, God's made it clear that my time is done. Though I've enjoyed Benin, my heart is not really for Africa. God seems to be keeping me from my usual attatchments to the countries I've visited, knowing that I wouldn't want to leave if I had. He is clearly moving me into His own direction towards something new but exactly that will be is a mystery yet to be solved! Other adventures await!!! And in all of them, He is still God and He is always good!!! Praise the Lord!!!

In the mean time, I have seven days left in Africa and three of them are in the hospital. God has stressed to me in many ways that I must finish well. It's all well and good to begin something with passion and energy. It is entirely another to give so fully of yourself that there is nothing left at the end of the race. I've known all along that God has had me here for a specific purpose or reason. And though I've seen Him work through me in many different ways to affect those around me and though He's teaching me and given me answers and freedoms in issues I've been struggling with, I feel that I'm not seeing the main thing. Whatever it is, I don't want to get home and find that I've not done it. So to finish this adventure is to give myself fully to the people around me--both on the ship and in the ward and off the ship--so as not to miss whatever it is He is showing me and to finish this adventure in a manner pleasing to Him.

I've been reading the book of Nehemiah. Though Ezra had led the Jewish exiles back and rebuilt the temple, the city of Jerusalem itself remained in ruins without any protection whatsoever. Nehemiah was a cupbearer for the very powerful and pagan ruling king of the world (more or less), which means that he had the job of tasting all the food and drinks that were offered to the king. Everyone would then watch him to see if he died of poison or if the king would be safe to eat and/or drink that item. Fun job, huh? Every moment could bring life or death! On the other hand, you ate and drank only the best! Anyhow, he received word that Jerusalem was still in ruins and that the people there lived in poverty and fear of the peoples around them. He was greatly grieved at this and spent much of his time in prayer. After some days the king called him over and said, "What's wrong? You're not looking so good and you've never appeared before me like this? This is a matter of the heart not the stomach. What's wrong?" After Nehemiah told him, the king ordered supplies, soldiers, transportation, more Jewish exiles, and treasures to be sent with Nehemiah so that the city might be rebuilt. He also sent letters to the surrounding peoples that they were to assist and send supplies or monies as needed. However, shortly after organizing the inhabitants to build, several influential leaders of the surrounding peoples began to mock and try to scare them away from the building. They created lies about Nehemiah and threatened to pass these lies on to the king. But Nehemiah simply prayed with all the people and then reorganized so that there were well-armed guards at every low point in the partially finished walls and armed every worker so that if they were attacked they could fight back. He also told the liars that they could not frighten them away from what God had told them to do. And everything Ezra and Nehemiah did was bathed in lots of prayer because they had given themselves entirely to God and His will. The wall was finished in record time and it is said that the surrounding peoples "perceived that this work was done by our God." That is finishing well despite great hardship and opposition.

I don't have to fight for my life to finish the week (...not that I know of anyway!!!) but God doesn't expect me to invest any less. I pray (and hope that you will pray with me) with Nehemiah, "Now therefore, O God, strengthen my hands."

Well, we're well into VVF and it has been a good start. Of the ten women currently post-operative, nine have had successful surgeries! No more leaking! The one who's surgery was unsuccessful the first time will be going back for further surgery. Though she was discouraged at first, Dr. Steve encouraged her to hang in there. "We are fighting a tough enemy and sometimes it takes more than one battle to gain victory. We are not done fighting yet!" These women have gone through so many trials in there lives, as I've described before. The hope of being healed becomes so very real that when the surgeries are unsuccessful at stopping the leaking completely, the discouragement is great. However, some women, because of the extent of their injury, need several operations to completely close. This can become an emotional rollercoaster for them. However, our friend seems to be doing quite well and is looking forward to her next surgery.

Despite the sad nature of the injury and the uncertain hope afterwards as they heal, the smiles on their faces when they first get out of bed and walk without leaking is so worth everything!!! They realize that it really is fixed! Their nightmare is over!!!

Some of these women were able to have other children before their injuries occurred or since if they had access to c-sections, so there are a few little bundles of cuteness to adore and hold around the ward! One such bundle is a bundle of purely little boy energy and speed and hunger! He's such a happy little man at one year old but he is perpetually-constantly moving and eating! The other morning he was so full that he was vomiting but right after vomiting he would go back to nursing!!! After 2-3 times of this, we finally had to say, "Okay, already! Your done! No more! Go play!" He's just about impossible to contain in any one area...his favorite is sitting up, scooting, using his feet to scoot himself forward and into trouble. He refuses to crawl but will hold your fingers and walk (or rather this tilted-forward-trying-to-get-the-feet-to-move-fast-enough run!) all over the place. And of course, everything belongs in the mouth--not a good thing in the land of foley catheters!!!! He's just about a full-time job by himself without taking patients but there's never a shortage of willing hands to help! He's been good for morale amongst the nurses, staff, and patients!

We also still have on-going max-fax and thyroidectomy surgeries and patients as well, but I haven't worked with them much this week or weekend. From what I hear, they have some cuteness going on, too, and their patients are doing well.

However, as we're wrapping up our outreach efforts here in Benin, everyone's feeling the exhaustion of the year's work and the stress of finishing everything before we sail on. Please especially pray for the hospital administration and doctors right now as they are having to decide who we can fit into the schedule for surgery and who will not be able to have it on this trip. There are several factors to consider in these decisions and it is never easy to see suffering and have to tell them that we can't help on this trip. For these patients, many meet the ship on screening days in other surrounding countries (some of our current cases come from Nigeria) or come back in a few years when the ship returns. National doctors and nurses are also being trained throughout the outreach to perform some of these surgeries so that they are available even after we leave. Our goal is to help those who have a life-threatening need for surgery first and then to help any others in need as much as possible afterwards while building up the country's own healthcare system through education or help in construction of needed buildings for clinics or education. We also strive to give quality care to those who do become our patients. So towards this end, decisions are being made and I know that they would greatly appreciate your prayers!!!

Thanks for all of your encouragement and prayers during my time here! I've felt it! I will tell you more next time! Talk to you soon!

Swimming, Sleeping in a Hammock, Water Volleyball and Other Missionary Activities.....Hee,Hee!

2009-10-21T09:59:00.007-04:00

Yes, we have all heard the phrase "Suffering for the Lord" and it is often applied to missionaries. But living abroad definitely has its upsides! For me, I made the sacrifice and suffered for the Lord (*completely tongue-in-cheek!*) once again at Bab's Dock with several friends! Another beautiful boat ride out to the semi-fresh water lake, swimming (watching a wiry 60+yr old man run up, a wide childish grin splitting his face, and cannon-ball in like a little boy, splashing the sun-bathing girls!LOL! Very entertaining!), several rounds of water volleyball (aka, let's-see-if-we-can-make-it-more-than-once-over-the-net-and-keep-it-out-of-the-marsh!), a good hot lunch of BBQ chicken, some amazing french fries, and delicious chocolate crepe, reading and sleeping in a VERY comfortable hammock with the sun filtering in and out of the palm and other trees overhead,....Yup. Just suffering for the Lord in Africa!

The next morning, I joined my roommate and one of our day volunteers, Betty, and her husband for church. Betty and her husband are actually from Kenya so they do not speak French or any of the other tribal languages spoken here, though they are fluent in English. Because of this, they chose an English-speaking church here in Cotonou. That particular morning they had a combined service of both their French and English churches from that denomination in the area so the service was longer than normal to allow for the constant translation between French and English. The church was much more conservative than the others I attended and was a little easier to follow because of the English translation. This church sang a few hymns and choruses (the congregation singing all together in whatever language they knew it in!), had a small orchestra to accompany, a choir, and special music. It is not that different from most conservative American churches you might visit. The pastor first did a Bible story, and though it was time for the service to move on, took time to answer a question one of the congregation had about his personal bible reading in Job. He answered it fully, clearly and patiently. Then picked the service back up and moved on. I was very impressed. This is not typical of the pastors of the churches I have attended so far. His message was very clear and connected and made better sense than the other speakers I've heard in churches here. But in typical African fashion, there were three offerings, each for something different--one for the church's upkeep, one for the church's building fund (though the structure (walls, floor, roof, balcony, third floor, etc) is there, the building is far from being finished), and for missionaries they support in Senegal. They reiterated how Senegal is about 95% Muslim making it a very difficult region to work in. He said something about there being three Christian churches there. I think he might have said "only three Christian churches in Senegal" or might possibly be referring to three of that particular denomination or missionary's. I'm not exactly sure. Either way, the country of Senegal is desperately in need of the truth, difficult though it may be to give. The church building itself, even in bare, rough cement and structure, was impressive. The front of their building project offering envelope showed the drawing of what they expected the church to look like when it was done. It looks like it will be really neat inside and out. Overall, I was really impressed with the whole church.

The little boy in front of us was busy playing an easy game of "spot the Yovoes!" He was quite fascinated by us and even came to sit between us for a while! His older sister (about 8-9yr) was more discreet and just kept peaking back at us or watching us when we weren't looking. Both got more bold as the service went on, but the little boy soon wore himself out climbing all over and fell asleep in his mother's lap.

I also had the chance to speak with one of my former patients who's active in the church there! That was a surprise but refreshing, too! We discharge them from the ward and may get to see them if they visit the ward after their post-op checkups but, generally, we don't see them again. It was nice to see how well she's doing and that she recognized me, that my care of her did make enough of a difference that she remembered me.

I often feel like I'm playing the bad guy at work--"you have to drink more water", "close your mouth and swallow!", "yes, you have to take these pills", "come on...you have to get out of bed for a while...", "no, you can't go up on deck 7 today", etc. I feel like all I'm doing is forcing people to do uncomfortable or painful or tedious things they don't want to do. After they've had major surgery on their mouth, the last thing they want to do is swallow anything even a few days later. After they've had bone taken from their hip, the last thing they want to do is walk! Some view having to take a lot pills as meaning "you're really sick" and they don't want to take so many because they feel okay right now.

One woman would take the same pills four times a day. Three of those times she would take them without fuss but every morning at 6am, we had to have a 10-15 minute discussion/coaxing session to get her to take the same pills she'd been taking the other three times a day for several days without a problem! Every morning had a different angle--"I think I will throw up if I take them" (gave medication to prevent); "I need to drink warm salt water to keep me from throwing up before I take the med" (very originial....got the salt water--won't make a lick of difference but if it means that she would take her pills, she can have the salt water!); "I need to brush my teeth first" (a very common objection....fine, brush the teeth first)!!! It got to be pretty entertaining to see what her excuse would be in the morning!

Because of the condition of drinking water where they live, they are used to drinking very little water so getting them to drink lots of water is like pulling teeth! After a few days of the nasogastric (NG) tube, all they can think of is getting it out and making them keep it in and take the feedings is tiring to both of us! And after they've just had surgery to free their jaw joints, to keep it as flexible as possible, we have them start stacking Popsicle sticks between their molars every two hours--whereas they may get four in without too much pain, their jaw needs to fully open to six sticks which causes a lot of pain. Even though all of these things are necessary and very important to their health, I still feel like the bad guy having to enforce it!

But there is a reason we must push for these things. Without learning to swallow, they'll just drool and have to eat through a tube for the rest of their life (the tube not being an option here in Benin). Their hip bone will heal but it is important that they get out of bed so that they don't get open sores from laying in one place. That would mean more risk for infection and longer healing time, longer time in the hospital, and more time away from their families and jobs. Some of these pills give their bodies nutrients to heal and prevent infection. For the patients who have had a goiter removed (a giant lump on their thyroid gland in their neck), they need replacement thyroid hormone for the rest of their life or their bodies will shut down and die. We give no more pills than we have to. Some have to keep the NG in to allow their mouth to heal sufficiently. Otherwise, they would try to eat too soon and the incisions in their mouth would break open, hurting the healing tissues and allowing infections to start! They must drink water to prevent getting dehydrated. If they get dehydrated, the volume of their blood is less which means that the wounds are not getting the blood supply that they need to heal. Also, dehydration can cause dizziness and they may fall and get hurt....not something we want to see happen and for which we make efforts to prevent, including drinking water (or tea or juice or anything else we can coax them into). If they don't do the sticks exercises, their jaws will freeze up again, as if they had never had surgery and they will go back to eating whatever fluids they can get, whatever food they can sop in juice or milk to soften and force between their clamped jaws. All of these things, though they are difficult, painful, and tedious, are for their benefit. Keeping this perspective and keeping in mind what their alternatives are help me pull myself together and make it happen.

I think that this may be how it is with us and God sometimes. He allows the painful, uncomfortable, and tedious things to happen and even encourages us in them because He knows the alternative of leaving us as we were. All of His plan for us is for our good, to develop us into a better person than we previously were! How we must grieve Him with all of our complaining and resistance! What an amazingly patient and good God we serve! The Master Healer of all that plagues us!

I found these verses in my reading today and they fit these thoughts so well:

"The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His mercy." ~Psalms 147:11

"For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the humble with salvation. Let the saints be joyful in glory; Let them sing aloud on their beds. Let the high praises of God be in their mouth." ~Psalms 149:4-6a

The Importance of Obedience...

2009-10-16T14:09:00.002-04:00

God's really been impressing on me lately the importance of obedience. I realize that I frequently "look for the magic pill," as I've frequently been told. I want God to change or fix things NOW and *POOF* it will be changed. But that's generally not the way He works, especially in matters of our character. In order to change things in me, He asks for my cooperation. That is, He asks for my obedience. If I trust Him to make the changes, then I need to trust Him enough to do what He's telling me to do! It wouldn't do any good if I went and asked my Dad how to change the oil in my car and then decided to ignore the need to change the oil or tried to change it my own way. It could seriously mess up my car either way. In the same way, I can't ask God to change my heart and then either ignore the issue all together or try to fix it n my own way. I could seriously mess up my life that way.

I've been reading the book of Ezra lately and it is amazing to me exactly how God worked everything out when Ezra and a few of the children of Israel were obedient! First off, the book describes how some of the children of Israel were allowed to return home to Israel, to the area surrounding Jerusalem, and how they started well, getting their families and homes in order and then began in earnest to rebuild the temple. But then opposition from surrounding peoples came up and letters were written to the conquering king at that time, reminding him of Israel's power and might in the past because of their God. The surrounding kings worried that if they were able to rebuild their temple, their God would be with them again and would help them overthrow everyone around them. The king agreed and ordered them to stop building. What the surrounding people failed to realize is that Israel's God was just as powerful without a temple as with one. Though the Israelites did obey the king and stop building, there is no indication that they stopped following God. Then Ezra, a wise man known to the king, is selected to lead more of the children of Israel back to Jerusalem and finish the temple. Again and again, Ezra describes how God worked out difficult situations and all because "the hand of our God is upon us." God first wins the heart of a powerful, formerly pagan, king and impresses it upon his heart to have the children of Israel return to Jerusalem and rebuild His temple. Then, though He allows the enemy to make their play, He is already coordinating faithful men into positions where, when the time is right, they can step up and lead more of the children of Israel back to Jerusalem and finish the temple. God also influences the heart of a godless king to not only allow them to return and build but also gives them generously from his treasury and his land and then orders the enemies of the first group to give the Israelites whatever they need in order to rebuild the temple! Throughout his whole narrative, Ezra remains very humble, seeking what God would have him do at every turn, and gives God the full credit for whatever is done. So right after the second group arrives, they hear the opposition and are told by them to stop building until the king can be notified of their activities. Basically, Ezra and the leaders tell them, "Okay. Go tell the king. That's fine with us." And they continue to build. They knew in their hearts that God had sent them to rebuild the temple and they obeyed despite opposition.

There are so many times when I have no opposition but myself and I still choose not to obey! But look at how God provided for everything beyond their wildest imaginations when they humbly recognized God and obeyed! Who am I to object to God's directions? If I say that I trust His leading, then I must also demonstrate my trust by obeying. It is not a mindless following but rather a conscious constant choice to yeild to His plan over my own. These are two of the foundation stones of an abiding relationship with God--trust and obedience. Without either one, you are not abiding. And what's the purpose of asking God to change you if you're unwilling to do what He says to be changed? ...very convicting for me!

Anyway, to finish Ezra's story, the king replies to those opposing peoples that not only has he ordered them to complete the temple but those peoples surrounding Israel were to give every assistance and any materials needed for building or for the sacrifices! Isn't God amazing?! Even in the heart of a godless king and the very enemies of His people, He provides for their needs and protection while they obey His will! What a mighty God we serve! Who better to be in obedience to?!

Back to the world of Max-Fac...then we start VVF...

2009-10-10T21:34:00.003-04:00

Yes, after six weeks (or there abouts) of plastics I am back into the world of maxillo-facial surgeries and NG feeds! The first night back was fairly busy as I reacquainted myself to this genre of care but the last two nights have been fairly quiet. ...Hence, this update at 2am my time! We have only 8 plastics in-patients left on the ward and have discharged several general surgeries (hernia repairs, cyst removals, etc) and max-fac patients over the last two days but tomorrow starts another day of admissions in preparation for Monday's surgeries.

In another week we will be starting two weeks of surgery for VVF (vesico-vaginal fistula) ladies. These surgeries are to repair holes between the birth canal and urinary and/or fecal tracks. There are many causes of VVF (or the other varieties of fistulas we'll see) but one of the main ones is the disproportion between the pelvis size and the size of the baby being born. The children here start working very young and often carry loads on their heads that would be heavy for you or I to carry. This, combined with poor nutrition, means that most of the energy they get from their food is put into their work and not into growth. So, often, they remain smaller framed. Also, sometimes these girls are married quite young (more so in the northern rural tribal areas) and have not yet finished growing themselves when they become pregnant. (A young woman doesn't stop growing until at least 18-21 yr of age.) Because of their smaller frames, the baby's head is too large to fit through the pelvis and becomes stuck. These women are often in labor for several days (one I've heard of was in labor for a week!) without medical clinics available or too far away to get to. With no one around to help, the baby dies and sometimes, so does the mother. If the mother survives, she soon realizes that her urine and/or feces leak constantly and she may also have some weakness or paralysis of her legs. Because of the leaking, no one wants her around and she is often rejected by her entire community, even her husband and family. The social shame, embarrassment, disgrace and rejection that go with these conditions cause untold emotional pain for these women. Some of these women come to us young (16-20yr). Others have had to deal with this for more than 20+ yrs! Along with the surgery, they have exercises to do and their bladders and muscles must be retrained to function properly. They also need lots and lots of complete support (emotional, social, spiritual, physical, etc.). Not all holes are able to be fixed and some may take more than one surgery but each woman comes here with the hope of being "fixed." There are many fears and expectations as well as emotional scars that each one must deal with. At the end of these two weeks, each woman receives a new dress to symbolize the new life that she's been given and we celebrate with them at the New Dress Ceremony. Though many of these women are unable to have any more children some do. They will never be able to have a natural birth again as that may cause the repairs to tear. So each woman is given a card stating that arrangements have been made with a local doctor to provide free c-sections should they have more children.

I have heard several of these ladies' stories--some ending with joy and happy reunions with husbands and families while others are unable to return home or bear children and must find other means to live--and yet God shows Himself faithful to each one. Along with providing them a new life through their repairs, we have the opportunity to tell them of another new life they can have through Jesus Christ. The joy you see in their smiles, knowing the pain they have already experienced, can't help but encourage you! Everyone here is looking forward to those two weeks!

Wow! I can't believe it! I have only three weeks left! One more week of max-fac and general surgeries then two weeks of VVF and my time here will be over! Though I am looking forward to being home, I have tried to enjoy every day for what it holds. My worst fear is that I'll get home and have regrets about opportunities I didn't take and what I didn't do. I already know that there will be several African friends that I will miss! Thank the Lord for heaven! I'll have all of eternity to see them again!

Playing tourist....

2009-10-08T08:43:00.003-04:00

I've never been very good at playing tourist. I'd much prefer to be helping someone somewhere. However, rest is just important as the work and often makes for a lot of good memories!

Last Saturday, a large group from the ship went to Bab's Dock for the day. Bab's Dock is owned by a German couple who built their resort on a shallow semi-fresh water lake (it is a very short distance inland from the ocean). It's a beautiful little retreat offering sunbathing, relaxing in hammocks or on mats around decks and the sandy beach, swimming, canoeing, kayaking, sailing, water volleyball, a restaurant with wonderful food, and a variety of animals around (they keep a pet monkey, several donkeys, some dogs, and of course, the ever present lizards seen everywhere). It was so much fun! I decided that I really don't know how to kayak, though I have been before (and quite successfully, I might add!)--their small yellow kayak I couldn't even keep from rolling for more than 15 sec! Every time I would swing the paddle to row I would tip myself over!!! Thankfully the water was only about 3 feet deep! You could walk across the lake if you wanted to. Most of the water got no higher than mid-chest on an average person.

My friend, Gry, and I decided to try the two-person kayak and that went much more smoothly! We did a bit of exploring, discussing what might really be in the water we had been swimming in! Hhhmmm....some things are better not to know! I also tried to ride the small one-man sail boat with one of the ship's officers; however, the plastic surface is completely smooth and there is nothing to brace yourself on if you are not sitting in the pilot area! I slid off every time the wind would catch the sail and tip the boat a little!!! My friend, Gry, graciously pointed out after several of my dunkings that the idea behind sailing was to ride IN the boat! Huh! Whoda thunk it?! At one point, I decided that we were going fast enough, I'd try barefoot skiing since I was dragging behind the boat anyway but that created too much drag and slowed the boat right down. I did eventually manage to stay on long enough for a ride by straddling the mast and tucking a foot under the ledge of the boat on either side! Quite a sight, I'm sure, but it worked! That little boat got moving pretty fast once we were going!!!

To get out to Bab's Dock, we had to take a motor boat through a tunnel carved out of the many trees with their highly visible roots, looking much like hundreds of fingers dipping into the water. It was beautiful! I did see a few smaller tunnels/canals off of the wide one we took that I think go to the beach side homes and farms we saw driving to the boat launch. I even saw them moving a zimmy-jea'n(motorcycle) across the lake on a boat!

Sunday was another day off, one to relax. A fellow nurse and I did a tour of the ship for friends and family of one of our translators. Then, after our ship's evening service, I was invited to the gospel concert of one of our other translators. I went with him and one of the other day volunteers who works in engineering. It was really good but a little weird. The concert was held in what looked like a bar and seemed like it was coming at the end of an all-day church service. There were about 20 people there when we got there and the worship team was still leading songs up front. Soon they introduced the group that was to give the concert and even though the group started their music right away, several people got up and left. For the rest of the evening, only a few people remained, some drifting in and out of the building. And one man started picking up chairs and putting the room back to normal weekday order not long after the concert started! And it was to go for over an hour yet! It was peculiar! I've never been to a concert where someone was invited to play and then right after they start, people leave and start cleaning up! But as they say, "that's Africa!" The engineer is from Benin and helped me learn a little of African dancing, which by the way, is excellent exercise!!! Dance for an 1-1/2 hr and you really feel it! I have now mastered a sort of shuffling step in time to the music--just going forward and back or side-to-side--but it is African dancing! He tried to teach me the more traditional, what I call "chicken", dance but that is way beyond my skill level! I think I'm hopeless on that one! Anyway, we had a lot of fun and I could really feel the Holy Spirit there as well. Being a little northern baptist girl, dancing in church is definitely new but it gave me a new appreciation for worshipping the Lord with everything I am. The dancing isn't for people around you. It's for the enjoyment of the music and having fun praising the Lord!

Monday and Tuesday were busy work days. Many of our plastic surgery patients have now been here for more than a month consecutively. I think the winner has been here for 43 days now and still healing! Infection interrupts the healing process and greatly delays their discharge from the hospital. However, we now have a number of them that will be going home soon. Though we cover a lot of teaching right around the time of their surgery (since we normally don't keep them more than a few days generally), we realized that that was a long time ago for most of these patients. So to prepare them for their discharge we did a big group teaching about preventing infections in their wounds, signs and symptoms of infection, what to do if they think it is infected and good hand washing. If we had just gone through the teaching, simply telling them everything, I think they would have just let it go in one ear and out the other. But I had two of my girl friends who are translators here working with me and they did an excellent job of asking questions to make them think, frequently reviewing and reiterating the important points, and thoroughly explaining everything! I also pulled another nurse in last minute to role-play a scene with me and asking the patients what we did that spread infection. Then we role-played a cleaner scenario and then talked about the things we had done to prevent the spread of infection. We also talked a little about purifying their water at home and about how there are many different bacteria and they need to be treated in very different ways. Therefore, it is very important that when they think they have an infection that they go and see a doctor instead of just buying an antibiotic tablet or two or three on the street. (And yes, that's common! It's expensive to buy the whole round of antibiotics and many feel that more than 2-3 tablets is unnecessary.) We also told them that it was not just a "crazy yovo" thing to wash hands all the time. That it served a very important purpose no matter where you were from.

I ended by telling them that now that they knew all about infection they could watch each other and the nurses and tell us when we were messing up. One of my nurse friends came up to me the next day,...apparently, she'd picked up a cup that had been sitting right-side up on the floor next to the patient's bed and proceeded to fill it up for him in order that he might take his meds. The patient stopped her, saying, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Are you trying to KILL me?!" then laughed with the nurse that she'd been "caught." Apparently, they were paying more attention than I thought....to both the lesson and us! She also told me that she overheard one patient reprimanding another for scratching one of her wounds (a BIG cause for infection in these patients!). LOL! At least I know they understood everything!

Then yesterday, I got to play tourist again and went for a very relaxing day with friends at El Dorado Beach Club. We pay a small fee to get onto the beach then we can stay as long as we want. We had two of our translator friends with us and attempted to teach them how to swim using a boogy-board for a floaty! They both did pretty good. One of them picked up the idea of body-boarding pretty quickly and got in several good rides. For me, it was much like the beach I grew up going to so I was excited to get back into body-surfing! It was great! And we had some good-sized waves coming in! Also got to spend some time climbing around on the rocks that formed the small harbor we swam in, laying in the shade of one of the cement shelters reading, had a long and interesting discussion about doctrine and took lots and lots of pictures!

After these two trips, playing in the water and frying myself thoroughly, I've come to the conclusion that my water-proof sunscreen is not nearly as water-proof as it says it is!!! Oh, well! The burns look a lot nastier than they feel so I shall survive and live to tell the tale of other adventures! Talk to you later!

Yovoes!!!!

2009-09-28T11:01:00.003-04:00

If you try to walk anywhere in Benin, and you are caucasion, you will frequently hear children shouting, "Yovo! Yovo!" and waving to you, even running out to wave at the Mercy Ship vehicles when they recognize them! Equivalent to the spanish "gringo" (or white person), they even have a song they sing about us. They chant: "Yovo! Yovo! Bonjour! (bon-joo) Bonsoi! (bon-swah) Sabe! (saw-vah) Sabe bien! (saw-vah bee-en) Merci! (mare-see)." It's basically saying, "White person! White person! [Who only knows how to say] Good morning! Good afternoon! How are you? I'm fine! Thank you!" And it's basically the truth for many of us!!!

The translators tell us that sometimes they use yovoes as a threat when their children are misbehaving. "You better obey me or the yovoes will get you!" ...Something like the boogy man!!! (Of course, these statements are sooooo helpful when we have to give them care on the ward!!! They scream when we come anywhere near them!!!) One mom was even threatening her young child with us yovoes while in the ward when the nurse was trying to win them over so that she could give simple care without the child screaming in terror and running the other direction! Mom would just laugh!!! Not helpful in the least!

Other times, the nurse's given name is simply replaced by "Yovo!" or "my nurse!" One poor little boy was admitted yesterday afternoon with cataracts in both eyes. His vision was severely limited but he was not entirely blind. The admissions nurses had to poke him twice to draw blood for testing before surgery. He sat in his bed VERY mad at yovoes and scowling at us with his arms crossed over his little chest... just NOT a very pleased little man! Well, I had another child playing with blocks on the floor and we eventually got him over there playing with us and no longer mad at yovoes. He decided that we could be tolerated--even with all of our hugs and tickling. This morning, the OR nurse came in and put drops in his eyes to prepare him for the surgery. He screamed bloody murder! When he sat back up, his little arms were crossed tightly, his eyes were shooting daggers a mile-a-minute, and the evil scowl on his face was back x10!!!! He was NOT happy with the yovoes. Well, he went to surgery soon after and came back an hour or two later with screened goggles on his eyes, one eye covered with gauze. He can see through the screen on one eye but not the other until the dressings are removed over the next few days. Mom held his arms down so that he didn't pull off the protective goggles and sat rocking and comforting him, but all I could hear was him sobbing, "Yovoes! Yovoes! Yovoes! Yovoes!...." over and over and over!!! Poor kid's traumatized for life!!! ...But it was so very cute, too!!! Poor kid...he's too young to understand an explanation but I hope that when he can see clearly again, he'll understand that the yovoes helped him. Honestly, ... we're not here just to torture innocent children!!! It really is all for his benefit!

Isn't that like us with God, though? We get mad and scream and cry and it feels like all our heavenly Father's doing is sitting there restricting us and allowing things that He could stop from happening. In reality, He is offering endless and boundless love and comfort, allowing the hard things and painful things in order to heal us and make us better than we previously were. It is definitely not fun to be going through it, but later, after we've healed, we can see how those difficult things benefitted us and that it really wasn't meant to destroy us or damage us. It was all for our good. How good is our heavenly Father to allow us to go through difficult things, to hold us and comfort us throughout that time, and to coordinate all those things, good and bad, for our healing and betterment! And all simply because He loves us!

Many times, I really struggle to accept that God loves me and even likes me! Several mornings ago, He pointed out a verse in 1 John where He says that "God is love." Not "God has love" but that He "IS love." God cannot ever stop loving us because He IS love. It's Him. It's Who He is! And more than that, He gave His beloved Son to die so that I might be adopted as His child! Not only did He love me enough to create me. He also chose me--adopted me--to belong to Him and not just as a servant or cheap labor, but as a favored and well-loved child! And everyone who believes in Jesus Christ dying for our sins becomes that favored and well loved child! And even more than that, He actually likes to hear from His children...to just sit and enjoy the quiet with them...to hear their problems and concerns...and to hear their gratitude for what He has done...to hear their requests on behalf of others...to hear their laughter and see their enjoyment of life...all of it! He LOVES you! Wow! The God in control of everything from the farthest star and planet in its revolution to the deepest molecule in the sea, reaches out and cares about every detail of my life, all of it! And He hears and listens when I speak! Now that is a God to trust and love! Any sacrifice or difficult periods in my life are well worth accepting when it comes from this God out of His boundless and never-ending love! What a mighty, good God we serve!!!

Hallelujah? AMEN! Amen? HALLELUJAH! (A taste of African church!!! Hee, Hee!)

The "Why?" of the surgeries we do...

2009-09-21T10:57:00.002-04:00

One of my friends pointed out that I have mentioned doing facial surgeries and plastic surgery without giving the reason "why?" the patients need these surgeries.

In short, the patients we are treating have a wide variety of problems. Many were born with a cleft lip or palate or both. (Generally, a large hole that connects the nose and mouth cavities.) Some of these patients are children while others have had these problems their whole lives and are now coming to be fixed at age 65yr and above. Others have large infections that have eaten away part of their mouth or cheek. Others have infections that have caused large tumors on their face, their jaw, or neck. Still others have glands (such as those hidden in the floor of your mouth) that have become very enlarged and form large, visible masses on their necks. Some have large round goiters in the middle of their necks caused by not having enough iodine in their diet. (In the US, our iodine comes in the form of iodized salt.) They also do surgery to release "locked jaw". Generally started by an infection, the jaw locks closed and slid back so that the tendons are at their shortest lengths then freeze there. After surgery, they have exercises that they will have to do for several months in order to keep the mobility as it heals.

For many of our jaw patients, part of their jaw, teeth and all, is removed and a titanium plate is put in in it's place. After several months of the plate, they come back for surgery where a part of the illiac crest (part of the hard bone ridge felt on your hip) is removed and then fastened to part of the plate in their chin. The bone will then grow and spread over the plate within the next year, creating a new jaw. They will probably need false teeth, but it is a very remarkable surgery! There are a variety of ways that cleft lips and palates are corrected so I won't try to explain those. However, most are painful and often need 2-3 surgeries to complete.

Also, if the child is not gaining weight or is under weight, (usually cleft lip/palate) they will not have the strength or ability to heal from surgery and are thus placed in our Baby Feeding program, where we design a specific nutritional regimen to fatten them up. We have 1-3 of these babies most of the time. It is also important that their mothers learn about correct nutrition, that their babies need to eat every three hours in order to gain weight, and sometimes new feeding techniques due to the child's deformity. Most are very loving mothers who feel helpless because their child is dying and they have no idea what to do to try to help him. One young mother, has been very discouraged because, no matter what we try, her daughter is not gaining any significant weight but is otherwise healthy. All of these cases are very emotional and very personally disturbing surgeries. They often wonder what they will look like after their surgiers? (Men seem to be the more vain and concerned about their faces here than the women!) Will they be able to eat better? What will people say about them now that that problem is no longer there or is much, much less? Will their babies live? Will they be able to get the surgeries they need? Many things to adress with these patients and a lot of teaching to do.

Many of the plastics patients have been severely burned. As the burn heals, the skin tightens and draws the joint closed (such as an elbow or fingers, knees or toes, or even armpits) and slowly curls up the joint then freezes it there. These are called burn contractures and must be released surgically with skin grafts covering the newly opened area. A graft patient then also has a section on their abdomen or thighs where skin was taken for the graft, called the donor site. Other people need plastic surgery for keloids (overactive scar tissue that forms huge ridges and lumps wherever they are). Still others have birth defects such as an extra finger on their hands or a part of an extra finger on one of their other fingers that needs to be removed. One little girl of 3 yr had one finger that had grown to adult size while the rest of her hand was the size of a normal 3 yr old hand and fingers.

Then there are patients that come with inguinal hernias (masses felt in the front thigh/groin area. When I asked one of the doctors about all of the children with hernias, he said that for most of them, they are born with it--part of the abdomenal floor doesn't close as it should as the child grows and develops, then the small bowel can get caught in that open pouch. For adults with hernias, many come from their heavy lifting and manual labor but are the same sort of things.

Most of the eye patients are coming to have cataracts removed. A small slit is made in the side of the eye and a suction catheter sucks out the mass clouding the eye. They then wear an eye patch for the next several days and have drops and so on to medicate it with. However, eye tissues heal very quickly and therefore, they do not stay in the hospital. They just come back later to have the patch removed and the eye checked. Other eye patients have an infection of the eye or extensive damage and all or part of the eye needs to be removed. These patients often stay in the hospital and have special eye care for several days before being sent home. When the tissue in the eye is healed, they are fitted with a prosthetic eye and given a new pair of sunglasses. I just saw some pictures of one eye patient before his prosthetic eye, looking a little uncertain as his eye didn't look like he hoped it would after surgery. Then with the prosthetic in and a face-splitting smile on! The next was of him wearing his new "shades" and an even bigger smile, if possible!

We do have an off-ship ministry called Burkett's Kids which works in conjuction with a local hospital to provide the chemotherapy needed to treat these fast-growing cancers. They need one treatment a month until the tumor has completely disappeared plus two more to put it totally into remission. It rarely comes back if they have had the full treatment. Because it grows so fast, the chemo affects its reproduction quickly and you see every day visible changes as it disappears!

One other ministry is Palliative Care, which is two girls who visit the dying patients that we can do nothing for. These are always very sad cases and it's such hard news to give--that we can't do anything for them! The palliative nurses make regular visits, doing wound care as needed, visiting with the family and patient, and just giving moral, emotional, and spiritual support to them. It is a very difficult job but whenever you ask them about it, they will agree but then quickly add that they are so blessed to know these patients and to be used by God to support them!

The last healthcare ministry we have is the dental team. They travel to villages and refugee camps to treat whatever they can. Normally this means simply pulling teeth. One dental surgeon told me that pulling teeth takes a lot of work and he wishes that he didn't have to--that they would still have teeth good enough to just fill!

Our other ministries seek to support the country's healthcare system by teaching them to grow better gardens, educating more medical technichians for the hospitals, having national surgeons and nurses come to observe surgeries that they have equipment to do (cataracts, hernias, etc) and ones that we hope, with education, they will be ready to do in the near future. The Hevie' Agricultural Training Center was part of one of those projects. The idea is to help improve the healthcare they have so that they can take over doing many of the surgeries we do, for themselves.

These are the ministries of Mercy Ship and why we do the surgeries we do. I was listening to the healthcare administrator discuss how he is already looking at what surgeries these countries may be able to do in the next ten years, so that we can be preparing to do more complicated surgeries in the nearer future as they take over the ones we are currently doing. That way, we are ever building them up, making them more proficient in the medical field, until they don't need us anymore! Already, one of our long term crew working in Benin, stated that "Benin has woken up in the last four years!" They have grown sooooo much since the ship was here last, that we are confident that they will soon be picking up some of the surgeries we are currently doing! And in all of these, there's the "why?" of why we are here? Why are we doing this? The African culture doesn't understand the concept of volunteer so they are always asking, Why are you here working when you're not getting any money for it? The answer? Because "God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever would believe in Him, should not die but have eternal life." (John 3:16) God loves Africa. He cries at their suffering and wants them to know that He cares and has come to save them from more than their physical sickness--He came to heal their souls! Who needs money when you can be a part of that?!?!

A Beautiful Sunny Day in Africa....

2009-09-17T10:25:00.003-04:00

That's exactly what it is! Since I've been working night shift (which went by very smoothly, I might add), I got to sleep for quite a while today, got some errands taken care of, checking email, working on a monster pile of laundry that I've been putting off, waiting for our weekly firedrill,.... . All in all, a very relaxing, lazy day! I'll probably go up on deck for a while, maybe go for a walk later with friends.

I'm back on the maxillo-facial (max-fac) surgery ward and had several patients over the last three nights. Last night, I was observing one or two of our patients that were having trouble sleeping. For one, today's surgery will be her second extensive surgery on her face. For the other, it will be her third surgery, putting the finishing touches on a series of repairs to her mouth, lips, and nose. Oohh!....Fire drill....be back shortly...

Okay. I'm back. Only out on dock about an hour and it is a beautiful, warm day...good drill. Anyway...

Max-fac...Another man, spent most of the night sitting in bed, rocking back and forth, praying; then laying down for a little while; then up again a few minutes later, rocking and praying. I wondered what they might be thinking? Are they nervous about surgery and being on the ship because they've never done either before? Are they scared because they have had surgery before and know what's coming? Or are they more comfortable this time because they do know what's coming? Are they thinking about things needing done at home, or about their families and wondering how long they will be staying this time? Do they actually have a personal relationship with God or are they simply repeating meaningless names of saints? What are they thinking?

Occasionally, their facial expressions give away the thoughts circling in their minds. Monday, they brought back one of our max-fac patients from OR. She looked a mess--white gauze wrapped all around her head, blood oozing from the lower part of the dressing and from the inside of her mouth, oxygen on, face a little swollen, two IV's going, monitors on, etc. The man in the next bed over was to have a simple biopsy of a mass done the next day. He had already been looking a little nervous, but when they brought her in, his eyes grew about 3 sizes and the fear on his face was clear! Seeing this, the nurses quickly reassured him that he would NOT be looking anything like this after his surgery, that his was much, much simpler and less bloody! Poor man! He calmed down fairly quickly after this, however, and actually did seem to sleep fairly well that night! (There are some disadvantages to having all of the patients in the same room and this is definitely one of them!)

As busy as we get, we often don't think about what our patients might be going through, what they might be thinking about and, just as often, don't think to ask. Something to consider next time I step into the ward.

Anyhow,...I'm going to finish my laundry and head to dinner. My stomach's telling me it's time! Hope your day is as beautiful as mine's been!

Opening Celebration of Hevie' Agricultural Training Center!

2009-09-14T10:45:00.002-04:00

I realized I forgot to talk about the grand opening of the Hevie' Agricultural Training Center last Thursday. Though the building is not quite finished--still needs to be painted, little details worked on--it is open and already has students living there. I was told that many of the people from Hevie' have been asking, "Why is your corn [tomatoes, potatoes,etc] are so much bigger than mine? What are those white people giving you?" and the students have the opportunity to explain what they've learned! (And by the way, ...their corn was planted in the beginning of July, I believe, and is now over TEN FEET TALL!!!) Jean-Claude, a long-term crew member from Ghana, has been teaching the instructors all year, teaching them biblical gardening....not burning or plowing their land, just planting the seeds, mulching, shading from too much sun, natural insecticides (other plants), etc. He explained a little of it at the ceremony and it is amazing to see the results! The center is beautiful! Through many official speakers, local and national leadership representation, and a few speakers from Bethesda (the main supporter of the Center) and Mercy Ships, the school was dedicated and the ribbon cut, officially opening the new school. Seven of the eight instructors were able to be present, as well as all 17 students in their work shirts and new mud boots (their uniforms). We also had entertainment provided by two women's singing/music groups and a skit by the students showing how people can learn about the Center. They were translating all of the speeches between French and English for the variety of speakers so it moved a bit slowly. We had a brief snack for Bethesda and Mercy Ship personnell with the government officials then it was over. All in all, it was a very good celebration.

I found myself bored with all of the speeches, so I started taking pictures of the people around me and those are what are seen on the slideshow. :0P Also, there are pictures on there of the center and the stage it's at now.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THE SLIDESHOW IS GETTING TOO LONG TO VIEW OR DOWNLOAD! I will take out the older pictures so as to shorten it so that there will be no problems for anyone viewing it! Thanks!

Patients, Patience, and Wound Care...

2009-09-14T08:33:00.003-04:00

Ever thought that it would be great to have a large room full of people chanting your name? Ever wished that everyone knew who you were? I can't say that I've ever had either of those dreams but the beginning of last week dispelled any dilusions I may have held about them! And you know, people-problems aren't restricted to those in small office cubicles or those in direct contact with the public...it's world-wide. If there is more than one person present, there will be people problems!

For the first three 8 hr day shifts last week, one of the patients decided that it would be funny to perpetually repeat my name every time he saw me, thought he saw, wanted something, didn't want anything, somebody else wanted something, and any other time in between. And it was so funny, that his two cronies soon picked it up, then the young teenage boy two beds down, then the mom of another child nearby! I half-jokingly told him that he was taking my name in vain!!! Soon, the whole ward knew my name and called, "Tobi! Tobi!" (said real fast) all day for all three shifts!!!

I've always loved my name--loved the meaning ("God is good"), the uniqueness of it, and the sound of it. By the end of the third day, I cringed when a friend passed me saying, "Good morning, Tobi." Later that day, I was introducing myself to a new crew member and realized that I was very reluctant in giving my name! I was actually stumbling over saying it! How sad is that?!

On top of that, one of the cronies (I dubbed them the three Frat House Boys!) asked if he could have my shoes. I pointed out that my feet were much smaller than his. What was he going to do with them? He said that he would make it work. I told him, "No,I like my shoes." He then came up with the brilliant idea that he would buy me a new pair if I would give him mine! Why not just go buy his own? At this, all three burst into laughter as if I'd said the funniest thing in the world. I don't know...that suggestion made sense to me.... Later on that day, the same man (through the "head cronie") told me that he wanted me for his wife. I pointed out how that just wouldn't work--the wife in the US and the husband in Africa. Just wouldn't work. He decided that I needed to stay in Africa and started to tell me so. I told him "no"--he just wanted to marry me for my shoes! This got another round of loud laughter and I was able to move on to the next patient!

After three days of all of this, I was more frazzled and frustrated than I have been in a very long time! I expected some friction between myself and other crew members, and even with one or two of the patients. But never did I think that one patient (the "head cronie") and his followers would be able to bug me that much! But they succeeded.

By the morning of the third day, I was begging God to give me strength to step back into that ward and be nice to them all! It was all I could do not to "wrang his scrawny neck!" That third morning, God took me to some verses in Hebrews 12-13 that remind me of why we are to serve others with grace--because God has had so much grace towards me and has given me the sure promise of heaven in addition to the forgiveness of my sins! I tend to be just like that man, perpetually calling on God for needless things repetatively, picking up subjects and worrying over them when I pray instead of using prayer as God intended--for me to turn those worries over to Him to carry. Instead, I hold on and keep worrying and keep reminding God of what I think He needs to do. But God reminded me that He has always had patience with me and always showed me grace, understanding that I was human. I had not been showing my patients, particularly those three, that kind of grace. The question kept rolling around in my mind, "How can I show grace that will make that man want God more?"

The nurses were getting equally exhausted and tired of the wards--A Ward was perpetually noisy without calm enough to think let alone talk to anybody and B Ward nurses were just as tired of "Tobi! Tobi!" and demanding patients as I was! So I shared these verses with the other nurses as we started our shift that morning, and headed into the day ready to try to put into affect those verses. Though the behavior didn't change and I was still frazzled by the end of the day and felt that I had zero grace to give anyone, God had changed my attitude towards him. I had been nice and given him the care that, as a patient, he deserved and even had a few opportunities to tell him sweetly but firmly how his behavior was interfering with other patients' care and the nurses' sanity. I had been reminded of those verses on grace and of my desire to show the kind of grace that would make him want God without condoning his behavior. We have now come to a sort of understanding and God has given me more opportunities to show that grace to him and the others. Still, most of the patients on B Ward still call out, "Tobi!Tobi!" when they see me coming!

I did get some much needed time off over the next two days before starting the weekend day shifts, and arrived Saturday morning to an awesome assignment and break from routine--I got to spend all weekend doing nothing but dressing changes!!! No pills to pass, no patients to assess unless I was changing their dressings! I worked the last few dressing changes on Saturday with our wound care nurse, Ruth. She says that she loves to teach and that appears to be so true! She sweetly explains everything, answering any questions you have, allows you to get in her way and do some of it yourself, and just was very patient and sweet with me. I learned a lot! And her example reminded me of the kind of grace I was to be showing!

Right now, we are dealing with mainly "plastics" patients (plastic surgery) so they all have at least two wound sites if not more and stay for several weeks to more than a month at a time with possible further surgeries needed. The wound sites are more delicate that the ones I normally deal with at home but I really enjoy doing the care! Did you know that, under ideal conditions, a skin graft can grow about 1cm a day to cover the wound bed? In other words, an island of transplanted skin can cover a large open area by growing 1cm on all sides in 24 hours time! That's really incredible! And I got to see some wounds changing that fast this weekend. Here, they also use honey, at times, for wound treatments, something else that was new to me! Ruth explained that honey has a very basic pH and, between that and the high sugar content, it can kill many bacteria. Also, it releases small amounts of hydrogen peroxide, which also kills bacteria. In addition, the high sugar content helps pull water out of the bacteria and dead tissues, killing the bacteria and allowing the bacteria and dead tissues to slough off, leaving the wound bed clean and able to heal properly. Fascinating stuff to me!!! But such is the disturbed mind of a nurse!!! The human part of my brain feels sorry that they have these wounds on their bodies to deal with but the nursing part of my brain is quite glad they do and is enjoying the care! How sick is that?!

These next three nights I'll be on night shift then off for four days!!! My fellow nurses and I are trying to come up with some grand schemes for the time off....I'll have to let you in on those adventures later!

Another African Church Service...

2009-09-06T12:31:00.003-04:00

Yes, this morning I went with two of our translators to their church, along with one of our anesthetists. My Grandma Magill used to tell me how long their services were--up to 7-8 hours--but I thought after my first service that that must be a Kenyan thing. NOT SO!!! Today's service was five hours long with lots of music, singing, dancing, two offering times (one for the church and one for the building fund), introduction of any visitors (us included), a message, communion, two testimonies, annointing and prayer for a newly baptized young woman, annointing and prayers for many people who were pledging to give certain amounts towards the building fund (prayer that they would be faithful to their vows!), and more singing and prayer! It was quite a day and I'm now exhausted! We arrived at the church at about 8:45-9:00am and the service started soon after, with a pause after about 20 min of singing, to ask people to be respectful of others' time by arriving at the service on time. (That was before about 2/3rds of the congregation were there! LOL!) And the service let out around 2:00pm. They were very welcoming and our host translator was very gracious in his hospitality. It was an adventure but a fun one! I sat there praising God for the joy He takes in the variety of praise and worship He gets from around the world. He created our diversity and states in Psalms and Proverbs that He delights in the prayers and praises of the righteous! It gave me just a little glimpse of what the praise will be like in heaven before God's throne!!! Though I couldn't follow the words of most of the songs, there was no mistaking the spirit of the people. The same Holy Spirit is in us all--carrying the praise from a variety of tongues and cultures to the ears of God! How wonderful heaven will be when we all praise in the same tongue and culture! What a day that will be!

We passed the futbol (soccer) stadium here in Cotonou on our way to and from the church this morning. There is a huge match today between Togo and Benin in the rounds leading up to the world cup finals! There were already big crowds waiting to buy tickets and get in this morning. Vendors were lining up in the parking lots, preparing to sell food, drinks, and wares to the people flooding the stadium today. We passed crowds of people walking to the stadium wearing their teams jerseys, prepared to cheer their country on! On our way home, we passed more crowds of jerseyed fans and tour bus loads heading for the stadium. We even passed a load of Mercy Ship people heading to the game. (One guy went early this morning to get their tickets.) There's already been good-natured ribbing among day volunteers of differing countries about the match today so I'm looking forward to hearing about the game! Carl assured me that there would be more matches over the next several weeks so hopefully I'll be able to get in on one of those!!! Can't wait!

On the way home from church, I noticed the variety of smells of this part of Africa. At times, all you smell is rotting garbage. When we got to the area of the motor taxis, it smelled like something dead had been stashed somewhere for a while! But that's only in certain, small areas. Mostly it's clean, fresh, average air. Out at Hevie, the air is clearer and fresher somehow--being in the bush, away from the city. While on the road, there are the strong fumes from gasoline and from deisel trucks belching black soot. Then, occasionally, we'd pass a resturant or food vendor and my stomach would protest not stopping! It smelled warm and delicious! The last few roads into port, you start by smelling sea air, then rotting garbage as you pass by a very poor section of houses, then the sea air again or the strong smell of fish, depending on which way the wind is blowing! As you get to the edge of the dock and mount the gangway to come up to the ship, you may smell the garbage and waste floating in the water ("murky" doesn't even begin to describe it! The surrounding fishermen and seamen use it as their toilet and garbage dump!), or fish, or the heavy sea air--again depending on which way the wind is blowing and where your are on the gangway. Then through the front doors to cooler, clean air. I haven't really thought too much about the smells but I guess they have their part in this adventure as well.

Speaking of smells, it's time for dinner so I better go before I miss it all!

Patients and Poems....

2009-09-04T19:28:00.007-04:00

Instead of my normal update, I wanted to share with you the writings of one of our English-speaking patients, Prince Eddie Daniels.

To tell you a little bit about him,... Prince is his name not his title, he is a christian, has been married for 4 months now, and was a great comfort and support to a mother on the ward who was losing her only son to Burkett's lymphoma. Burkett's lymphoma is a very fast growing cancer usually found in children. The prognosis is generally very good as it can be treated easily with chemotherapy. Because it grows so fast, it is easy to see the chemo killing it quickly and see it visibly shrink within days. However, with this child, the cancer had already metastasized to his liver despite the three doses of chemo he had already received, and his body systems were shutting down. Within a few days, he went from being a smiley, playful child to death. As nurses, we realize the impact of these deaths on the family and on the staff that are working with them but we haven't stopped to think about the impact of that death on the other patients in the ward. Since they are all in one big room, they become their own community with everyone helping everyone else. Translations and explanations become a group effort and everyone has there input (wanted and unwanted!), everyone helps out with the children, and the conversations are varied and all-inclusive. So when a family is facing the loss of a family member, particularly a child, everyone feels it. And Prince poetically captured this in his first poem. (I have typed them as he wrote them and with his full permission for them to be posted here.)

A FADING DAWN:

Helplessyly we look on. Hopelessy we stood by,
gazing on life so feeble and tender
fading away as the day go by.
He, like any others, came this way to fill the space
and tread the path common to men.
To live and grow, to rise and cross the age of men on earth beneath
Only to see the light life stretch as far as from the womb to the tomb.
The worse of sight any one could see is a mother's love for a dying son.
But deep within the innermost part of the inner heart
is a glimmer of hope to wish for life.
The thought of scholarship, graduating from high school,
attending the first prom, and the joy of being loved
and love he'll never live to have and know,
for dreams so young and tender is closed in heart so ill and pale.
Perhaps the Father of love, on men in tears and pains on earth beholding, will mercy have on this heart so young and tender.
All we mortal men can do is to wish and hope and pray
that the day after the next night, to this little life will be good enough to be called a BETTER TOMARROW.

Heart-breaking isn't it?!?! And amazing!!! Prince's next poem is much more uplifting and is an expression of "[his] appreciation to the staff and crew of the Mercy Ship."

ANGELS AMONGST THE SONS OF MEN:

The day the Big White Whale landed on the black shores of Africa, was a blessed day to the Sons of Men. It came with Angels to walk amongst the Sons of Men. Why do I calL them Angels? Let me tell you of my time with them.

I came on board the White Whale with rooms filled with the lame, the mame, the formed, the deformed, the wrong and the rough.

And deep into the darkest part of the night I saw men and brethren, maidens and ladies, though flesh as us, yet with hearts of Angels.

Sleeplessly and tirelessly they toiled through the night, through the pains and aches of men, they with hands to heal and mend, bringing from above the Father's love to the Sons of Men.

Some they cut. Some they tie. Some they seal and yet others they fix with tools untold.

Like messengers of the Most High they came not thinking of their own, they risked their lifes and sailed the Sea, to lands beyond the endless world to shores of men afflicted and in pain.

Their hearts and lifes they came to share as Angels walk amongst the Sons of Men.

Some in this life are born to pass and some are born in life to live, yet these Angels are born to preserve humanity.

Though some lifes they see as waste yet with speed they move to save. With words of love and touch of peace, they endlessly toil to make right the wrong.

You were born as Men to your lands and yet as Angels you served the earth.

Gold is dugged from earth beneath. Treasures are hunted on high seas. But love so pure and true can only in hearts like yours be found.

Your labour in the Lord shall not be in vain.
For every life you touch and every soul you save,
For every bone you mend and every face you straight,
The Lord of life and light will light your path and guide your life.
FOR YOU ARE TRUELY ANGELS AMONGST THE SONS OF MEN.

And that is what each and every one of you have been to these people by allowing me to come and by your compassion and prayers for all of us. To them, you are "ANGELS TO THE SONS OF MEN." Thank you so much!!! If you have any comments about the poems or messages you would like me to pass on to Prince, just let me know. He will probably be here several more days and I'm sure he would love to hear from you!

Baby Therapy...HIGHLY recommended!

2009-09-02T17:34:00.003-04:00

When experiencing a high-stress week at work or a particularly sad experience or worrisome circumstance, nothing renews and lifts your spirit like...Baby Therapy!!! Cuddling and playing with little kids is highly effective and has been shown, in my own observations, to be highly effective in controlled doses. (Of course, an overdose of this therapy can lead to high stress levels and homicidal tendancies, and has even been known to be near lethal in some). Also, they do pose a serious risk to your heart--it may be quite easily lost beginning with your first dose of therapy! Whether you prefer the quiet and cuddly, the active and curious, or the hyper-active, bouncing off the walls, easily excitable types,...orphanages are certainly an excellent source for this particular therapy! They never run out of little specialists more than willing to administer this course of treatment! Whether you simply sit on the ground and provide the one-man obstacle course or end up with a lap full of little wiggling bodies or actively sing, dance, and run after them or lay down on a bench with a little one asleep on your chest, they are delighted at your presence and couldn't be more thrilled with your choice of therapy. However, once again, too much of a good thing is just too much! And those with sensitive ear drums may need to come prepared with protection. But for the usual and unusual stresses in life, nothing refocuses or relaxes you like Baby Therapy!

I have had a healthy dose of baby therapy this week! I visited the Foundation Regarde de Amour ("Foundation of love" or something close) on Tuesday afternoon and spent all 3-1/2 hours holding babies ages 1mo-3yr. This morning (Wednesday), I was back out to the Missionaries of Charity Orphanage (one of the organizations started by Mother Theresa) for 1mo-7yr, spending about 4 hours with them. Many of these children will be or are being adopted by families in Benin, France, and Italy. Some, however, have illnesses or disabilities that prevent them from being adopted. Most of them were abandoned or abused. Charity Orphanage also has a small clinic for sick children and their mothers (if they can come) to stay in and be fed and treated.

The first orphanage was smaller and we arrived at the end of nap time, beginning of bath time--a good time, seeing as you avoid the amount of urine from soiled diapers that you might otherwise be wearing, though some still manage to find a way to oblige you! Now that naps are over and children are waking up, they are bathed and changed. It is the most adorable sight in the world to see a large plastic baby tub with 3 little round naked babies in it!!! The only thing cuter is to see 2-3 of these tubs, containing about 3 babies each, all sitting together waiting to be dried and dressed by the house mamas!!! Way too much cuteness in one place!

The second orphanage is a bit more structured. Since there are not enough aunties to comfort them when we leave, we are not allowed to carry most of them around, unless of course one of the aunties hands us one who is too sick or too young to walk yet! Instead, as soon as you sit down, your lap fills up. We sang songs and danced in a circle for awhile then broke up to play and cuddle. And some of them really have the energy, let me tell you! After that comes lunch...we helped get 17 squiggling little bottoms into 17 little plastic chairs and then helped 17 grabby little hands eat their own lunch and no one's but their own! After lunch comes potty time--17 little potty chairs lined up around a room with 17 little bottoms sitting in them!!!! Another very adorable site!!! We were able to take pictures at the first orphanage but not at the second. We have pictures of the tubs of babies but not of the line of potty chairs! As soon as I figure out what's wrong with my slideshow this time, I will add them to it!

But my Baby Therapy for today was not yet complete! There is an adorable (I know I keep on using that word but it applies!!!) little giggling screaming mimi with hair in little braids sticking out from all side of her head in the hospital ward here on board ship! She loves to give hugs (your legs, back, neck, anything she can!) and to scream/squeal with joy (about three octaves above anything you've ever heard and about 5 decibles louder)! And she was my patient! I wasn't too busy tonight so we had a lot of fun. However, at one point she did come running up, bounced onto my back and gave me a big hug just as I was about to poke an IV into a patient!!! I told her that I love her hugs but her timing needs some work!

All in all, it's been a very good week so far. I would highly recommend Baby Therapy to one and all! (Except maybe Susan T. and Beth B., ......you may be at the overdose stage by now!!! So, if I were closer right now, I would be glad to let you detox while I get my therapy!) Hope all is well with you and yours!

By the way, the little girl I mentioned in my last post that needed prayer, went home this week! Praise the Lord!

And the adventure continues...

2009-08-28T15:00:00.003-04:00

Despite the emotional week this past week, life continues and has been interesting as always. Well, I'm done with my streak of day shift (I'm actually VERY excited about a break in 5:30am alarms!!!) and am starting 10-12 hr nightshifts. Though at home I was tiring of nightshift, a month of days has left me ready for my "native" night shifts!!! Last night the sick little girl I cared for (who could definitely use your prayers!) was fighting pneumonia and all of the breathing equipment, monitor wires, and IV lines that goes with it!!! She could teach crocodiles a thing or two about their death roll (where they grab their prey and then roll continuously in one direction until they've caught and killed it). She's definitely the pro! She slept for about 5minutes at a time and would thrash, pull at equipment and tumble ALL over the bed the rest of the time! Then she would wear out, settle down, cuddle and sleep for about another 5 minutes, then be awake and thrashing again! And she would roll in one direction, wrapping her oxygen and IV lines all around her! And she ends up in the most unusual positions I have ever seen someone sleep in! Despite the busyness and frequent feeling of fighting a wildcat, I enjoyed my time with her immensely! She could use your prayers, though, as she heals from her surgery and recovers from her pneumonia.

It's been a very emotional week and a half and tiring--God's been dealing with me and teaching me some amazing truths that I've known in my head but am learning to apply (I will come back to these); praying through the spiritual warfare and needs of little Hubert and his family; dealing with the emotions of that experience with other staff members; and dealing with some other personal, emotional issues and difficult decisions--I started this week very emotionally drained but spiritually full. Several years ago now, I promised the Lord that He could use me up and pour me out as much as He wanted to as long as I had the assurance that I was doing what He wanted me to do. He reminded me of that yesterday and assured me that in all of it, I had been obedient and pleasing to Him! A very reassuring feeling! I'd had a picture in my mind that showed how I felt--a clay pot that had held water, smashed to smithereens and lying in a puddle of the water that it had contained, surrounded by the flowers that had grown by being watered there! I know that God used me, but I felt so used up and exhausted and unable to do much more than lay in the spot I ended up in! As I was crying with some other nurses as we grieved together, crying for the pain of the family and of the staff members around me, I had the funny picture of becoming a very leaky sieve that was trying in vain to keep from losing all of it's contents!!! Despite the circumstances, I had to laugh at that picture!

A very good friend here on board offered a listening ear and caring shoulder to unload these things on and it helped so much. It had all already been turned over to God but the weariness of it was lifted in talking and praying with her! She reminded me that we are not given others' burdens so that we may carry them but that we can let others' burdens be lifted through us to God. She used the word "conduit" and reminded me of copper wire which is an electrical conduit. The copper wire has electricity zinging along it all the time but is not burnt up. In the same way, we are to allow others' burdens to pass through us to God. He is the One who actually will carry that burden for us. I can not keep it. Thanks so much, Deb! I know I tried, but words can not describe how much I appreciated you taking the time for me! Last night, going back to work after a day off, I felt put back together and ready to go again.

As for the lessons God's been teaching me this week, it all really boils down to seeing and believing that God loves me and how completely His grace gives freedom to live and enjoy my day. My only responsibility--everyone's only responsibility--is to respond to the prompting of God's Holy Spirit, resting in the grace that will cover me if/when I mess up. That's it. Everything else is God's to work and to do. It really is that simply. Not always easy. But always that simple. Even in the disciplines of the christian life, they are mine to do in response to the Holy Spirit's work and prompting in my heart.

He's also been answering some of my questions of dealing with sin--the difference between having sin that seems to constantly be present and sin that is a part of someone's life. The Bible tells us clearly in several places that God is holy and cannot tolerate sin in His presence. He also gives dire warnings for those who choose sin over Him and how He will turn His back on them. So because I keep doing this particular sin, does that mean that I can not be in His presence? Does that mean that He will not listen to or acknowledge me? And how can we, as humans who are never going to be free from our sinful natures until heaven, be right with God and still have these sin natures? The answer is in God's love and our resonse to that love. Just like I learned a few years back about fear--fear is a natural emotion and okay to have. But the moment it can be named as fear, it becomes a sin because we recognize that we are not trusting God's sovereignty and care. As soon as it is apparent as sin, we must humble ourselves and confess it as sin to God, asking His forgiveness. Then, out of His all encompassing love, His grace extends complete forgiveness and the righteousness of Jesus Himself to cover us! Then we're clean in His sight. The tendancy (nature) for sinning is there, but the sin itself that separates us from God is removed and will never be counted against us again! Wow! Now that's truly amazing!

The Blessings of a Sovereign God!

2009-08-24T10:59:00.004-04:00

I've been contemplating lately what the blessings of God are. They are not always physical--wealth, good health, prosperity--but they are not always only spiritual either--joy, peace, comfort, etc. The children of Israel were told by God that they would be blessed for obedience and cursed for disobedience. In these stories, the blessings and cursings were more obvious. And God tells us many times throughout the New Testament that "He is a rewarder" of both the good and the bad. But what does this mean for me? What are God's blessings in my life? Can I only count what I perceive as "good things" as blessings and only "bad" things as punishment? Not neccessarily.

That is certainly the case with today's praise. This morning, God allowed little Hubert to escape his suffering body and enter His presence. Though we are all extremely saddened by his death, we are so grateful for God's use of his little short life to bring glory to Himself. As described before, he and his older sister came to us about a month ago. Mom stayed with him, but avoided eye contact with everyone, had little expression and did not smile. She barely held her children and only long enough to do what was neccessary. The father stated that because Hubert was so sickly, he had not yet been claimed by the tribe. Mom said that her little girl was believed to be possessed by demons because she never talked or played whenever mom was around. Much prayer for and with this family has been happening over the last month. But it has just been within the last week that we have seen a change--mom smiling, cuddling her children, playing with them and comforting them. Dad has just started visiting in the last several days and he has been so gentle and loving with Hubert. Both have allowed many people to pray with them. On Friday, we moved little Hubert into ICU (as I described in the previous post). While there, his mom was heard singing a christian song to her children about God's control and love, was seen having her little girl sitting on the bed playing and talking with her, and lovingly tending Hubert. On Sunday, we had to intubate and put him on the ventilator; however, he continued into multi-system failure--his body systems slowly shutting down. Dad walked in, took one look and walked out. This morning, Monday morning, dad came back in, crying over his son, and told the staff that he did not want his son to die this way--that he wanted to hold his son in his arms as he died, not connected to all of these machines. So this morning, barely alive even on the machines, he was placed in his father's arms and the machines removed. Our staff and crew have grieved with the family today. But just seeing the family grieve is a humongous break-through of God's love and how it can change hard hearts into loving ones! So to God be the glory!

Even in loss His blessings are seen! God has taken Hubert home (spiritual blessing), away from his suffering (physical blessing)! God has used Hubert's little and very difficult life to show his family God's love and light and bring them closer to knowing Him as Savior (spiritual and physical blessing)! Because of their softened hearts, Hubert's older sister has a whole new loving relationship with her parents (physical and spiritual blessing)! Through their time here, God has given this family freedom from so many of the lies they were believing in and acting on (spiritual and physical blessing)! This morning, when I was praying for them, before I knew that he had died, God reminded me of the verse from Job: "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!"

God's blessings aren't always obvious and they don't always arrive in the packages you think they will, but they are none the less His blessings. So that in all things we can say, "Blessed be the name of the Lord!" I hope that today you are able to see blessing where before you saw only sadness, loss, or "bad" and be able to say with us, "Blessed be the name of the Lord!"

Hevie Agricultural Training Center...

2009-08-22T16:06:00.003-04:00

Short note tonight (relatively!) ... A group of about 20-some people went out to sand, plaster, paint, and clean at the center! As far as I know, we got all but a few high parts sanded, some of the small cracks plastered, and most of the walls have at least one coat of white wash on them! The men were also able to finish the roof today and started planting the grass in the botanical garden area! We had a lot of fun but were all exhausted and glad to get back to the ship and get our showers! With all of the dust from sanding, we joked that the white people present REALLY were white! I had sand, dust, and white-wash all through my clothes and my hair by the end of the day! It felt soooo good to do manual labor and get really dirty but it also felt great to be clean again! And it was wonderful and relaxing to be in the bush again--so beautiful! Playing around with the white-wash, some of the others marked themselves with "tribal markings" that we've seen on most of our patients' faces in the form of a variety of scratch-mark scars, showing which tribe they're from! Also, two other girls and myself got to climb the water tower nearby (about 15 ft) and take pictures of the surrounding views--sooo beautiful!!! That and I've always wanted to climb a water tower!!! (Come on! You can't say that you've never looked at a water tower and thought: "Hhmm...I wonder...."!)

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST: We have a little 9 month old boy, Hubert, that is enrolled in our feeding program to gain wait for his second surgery. His cleft lip has already been repaired and has healed very nicely--you can hardly tell he ever had it. However, before the doctor can operate on his cleft palate, he needs to gain a lot of weight. He has been growing like crazy over the past few weeks, putting on weight, filling out...he hardly looks like the same little boy! But towards the middle of last week, he started running a high fever that refused to come down and developed a bad rash that covered him head to toe within 2-3 days. His heartrate and respirations are very, very high and he is currently fighting for his life. Because he was born out in his village and not in a hospital, he has not been immunized against anything. His family is voodoo and there is definitely a spiritual war going on around them and, though I do not believe that that is the main cause of his illness, they could definitely use your prayers. They have been very open to us praying with them. His father told us that because he has been so sick they have not yet marked him as being from their tribe--they weren't sure if they wanted to claim him yet. His mother was, for a long while, not very attached to him (I believe that she expected him to die and did not want to get too attached and then lose him). But she has been so good with him and seems to be bonding well with him over the last week or so, and his father is extremely gently and loving with him. They have a 3 yr old daughter staying at the hospital with her mom and baby brother and she is just tooooo cuuuute! And such a cuddle-bug! VERY adorable! Hubert has been moved into isolation in ICU where we can readily intubate if we need to and can keep others from possibly getting what he has, if it's contagious. Though his oxygen level dropped a few times last night and they had to do bag breathing for him, his fever finally came down and his rash seems to be disappearing. But he still has a long way to go! Please be in prayer for the healing of little Hubert and that the hearts of his parents will be turned to the Lord through this!

ANOTHER PRAYER REQUEST: Our other feeding program baby, Anicette (4 months), is also awaiting surgery to repair her cleft lip and palate but we cannot do so until she grows some. However, she has not grown in the month that she and her mom have been with him. Mom is a young, new mom and still needs lots of prompting and teaching with much of her care and feeding, but is starting to catch on. She acts almost like the young teen moms in the United States. Anicette has developed issues with her liver without apparent cause and, as I said, has not grown at all. We are referring her to a local pediatrician Monday for evaluation of her liver and what might be going on with her there. Then she and her mom will return to the Mercy Ships Hospitality Center after that to continue the feeding program. Her mom has come a long way in her learning of Anicette's care and in her knowledge of the Lord. Please pray for her as this is very frightening and frustrating for her, and please pray that whatever is going on with Anicette will be found and be able to be corrected!

Thank you! I appreciate so much knowing that I have such tremendous prayer support at home to cover these precious children and their families with prayer! May God have the glory for everything that happens with them! And may He bless you for participating in the care of His littlest ones!

A trip to the bush (country)...

2009-08-19T10:50:00.003-04:00

Though the rest of my weekend was uneventful, I was grateful to have Monday and Tuesday off. Monday was just a day for sleeping in, relaxing, spending some time with the Lord and praying, , and then going to be early. :0P A very good kind of day!

Tuesday, I decided to join a group from the ship on an inland ministry, sanding and painting an agricultural training center in Hevie (pronounce " Ha-vee' "). For generations, the Benninese have grown just the same few crops. They did not think the land would grow other things because "if the ground would grow it, my father and his father before him and his before him [etc] would have been growing it from the beginning." However, a long-term crew member from Congo has been working with several men to grow all manner of vegetables and plants in their garden at the center. The dormatory is in the building stages and will be a small but beautiful school for training in agriculture. Each of the rooms will house three men, each room with its own bathroom. The center of the building is divided into two large areas--the first from the front door is a classroom; the second, by the back door, will be filled with flowers! It will be beautiful! The front of the building has a large curving portico with large pillars. Most of the windows are slatted and can be opened for ventilation. Around the top, however, there are cement blocks in scrolled patterns that allow constant airflow through the building without letting the rain in. The whole building has a corrugated tin roof over most of it but is open over the garden area, letting in a lot of natural light and rain. The actual garden plots for the center, where the men have been working, are further down the road.

There are only three slots open for helping with painting and cleaning each day, all day, Monday through Friday. I signed up to go and, forgetting about African time, met another nurse outside Tuesday morning, ready to go on time at 8:45am. We didn't actually leave until around 9:30am and then had to stop at several hardware stores to pick up supplies on our way out to the site. The hardware stores were generally a shed-sized shack with buckets, pipe connectors, paint rollers, and other odds-and-ends hanging from the porch roof; piles of small tree trunks--no bigger than poles--and loops of wrought iron (laid in large u-shaped loops and somewhat flexible) sitting out front. We had to stop at about 3-4 before we found one selling paint brushes!

Well, when we finally got to the site, it was just my friend and I--the only white women--working with about 15 nationals! We ended up working with the painter who only spoke French--both of us girls are able to speak Spanish fairly well but neither of us can speak more than two words of French! So through hand motions and one or two words of French and English, we were assigned the job of sanding the outside cement wall with power sanders and a generator, and scraping out the extra globs of cement from the scroll work of the upper windows. The painter would then come along behind us and seal all of the cracks with a mixture of paint and white lime--making a plaster similar to dry wall plaster. Then we'd come back and sand over those patches once they were dry. However, being on an African work site, we had to completely finish one section before moving to another. Therefore, we would sand, he would seal, we would wait for it to dry, then we would sand, then we could move to the next section. There was no typical American efficiency of working on sanding the next area while we were waiting for the last one to be sealed and dry! But then our painter had to leave with our translator/driver and was gone most of the afternoon, so we were able to finish sanding most of the wall for him before he got back! ;0P Another man, who spoke a few words of English, came to work with us in the afternoon (so that their guests would not be lonely left by themselves!). He was painting the windows we had cleaned out so we could not move the scaffolding down to the last section until he was done. And by then it was time to leave but we did complete most of the wall and had a lot of fun doing it!

The men we worked with thought it was so funny that we would come to work with them without knowing any French but they seemed to show us quite a bit of respect for doing the work alongside of them. They also were eager to discuss American music and movies with us. In their broken and heavily accented English, it was sometimes very difficult to tell what they were saying but, working together, us girls would figure it out! One in particular, Alba, really liked Arnold Schwartzanegger and many music artists, such as J-Lo, em&em, and many others I don't remember. He was very surprised and disappointed that I didn't know their songs and very, very disappointed that I didn't cry when Michael Jackson died! Alba knew a little bit more English than most of the others so he explained that he used to dance to Michael Jackson's songs when he was little and that he was very sad that Michael had died!

We shared the noon meal with them--chicken stewed with peppers over rice. It was delicious but a little bit spicy-hot so I drank quite a bit of water with the meal. By mid-afternoon, my bladder was sending my brain urgent signals; however, we had noticed throughout the morning that the men would just go a short ways into the bush to relieve themselves. It then became a discussion over the next two hours between my friend and I as to what could be done. No one spoke English well enough to ask. Two white women heading out amongst mid-level low brush would be a lot more conspicuous than a black man out in the brush. Just being women made it more complicated than the men. Many of the men were up on scaffolding or on the roof so the view would be even more clear. The ladies who had served us lunch were no where around to even attempt to communicate with. So ... what to do.... . Well, our new friend Alba said that we could climb the water tower to take pictures--from about 15 feet in the air, it offered a beautiful view of the surrounding fields and the building site! Walking back from there along the path through thicker brush, we got the idea to try to send our friend on back to work and we would come back in a little bit. The downside is he had no idea what we were trying to say or what we needed to do! The upside was is was hysterical trying!!! Alas, soon after getting back to the work site the painter and our driver came back, telling us that we would be leaving in about 10 minutes. He offered to take us over to the gardens and we readily agreed. We did finally get to ask about a bathroom (it's now about 4:30pm!) and he said that there was a "place you can use near there." It ended up being a nice three-hole, stand on the blocks and squat to pee outhouse with walls! My friend found that this was too much for her and stated that she didn't have to go that bad, she could wait until we got back to the ship. I, on the other hand, didn't have much choice! Ah, relief!

The gardens were beautiful! They were planting lettuce and put sections of palm branches into the ground behind each plant to help shade it from too much sun. They also had tomatoes, corn, and many other plants. Their corn was really, really tall, ready to harvest. All in all, it was very fun and so nice to be away from the ship and the city, out in the country, breathing fresh air and just seeing lots and lots of green around us! After this experience, I have to agree with my brother, Zeke: "I'd rather be in the middle of nowhere than downtown anywhere!"

I'm off this weekend and am planning to head back out to Hevie for the workday Saturday. There's a group of about 20 people going out that day in a push to get it done for the grand opening August 31st. I put a few pictures from Hevie on the slideshow and I will add a few more when they're available. I also added pictures of our cabin and some that another crew member took while out at the "stick village"--a village on stilts over the water. The people there don't like us coming through all the time, so I probably won't go there unless we have a specific outreach there. But I did want to show you the pictures so that you can see a little bit of how they live.

Well, enough of my adventures for now. Talk to you later!

Too-Cute Little Girls, Head Colds, and Washing off a Ship,...

2009-08-15T13:17:00.003-04:00

Some adventures that come, you never would have guessed in a million years that you would be doing! For instance, I didn't expect to ever be in Africa, yet here I am. And I would never have expected I would live on a ship, yet here I am. And I never would have thought in a million years that I'd be trying to wash off a ship, yet there I was!

Thursday turned insane about 9:30am to 2pm! I had 5 patients, 4 of whom were being discharged. The eye patient and 3 of the 4 hernia repair patients were going home. One hernia patient was staying. Things were going smoothly and then I don't know what happened but I can hardly tell you how I spent the time between 9:30am and 2pm!!! Well, I managed to get all but one of my hernia patients to the group teaching on discharge instructions and care. The one that did not go, I went over everything with him twice--he apparently forgot everything we went over an hour ago!!! Meanwhile, my eye patient was ready to leave but kept insisting that he did not get the medication he needed at home. I ended up giving him a packet of Tylenol should he need it for pain. However, he continued to insist that he was missing a medication and could not leave yet. When I asked what he thought he was missing, he stated that it was a medicine for his blood. At first I wasn't sure what he was refering to until I realized that he had heard me teaching another patient (who had a history of a stroke) about his Aspirin regimen and thought that everybody needed it. After explaining that to him, he agreed that he was ready to leave! Because of the insanity, I asked another nurse to put together 4 take home packets for my hernia patients (the instructions in French for care and restrictions, bar of soap, a few extra guaze just in case, multivitamins, iron suppliment, and Ibuprofen for pain). She readily agreed and had them ready to go in no time. So I got their money out of the safe and added that and their follow-up appointment card to their bags, finished teaching them about the meds via a translator, and went around handing them their bag to take with them. As I was handing out the last bag, I realized the patient still had an IV infusing. It took me a minute, but my foggy brain finally realized that he had an IV going because he had not yet had surgery!!! I was trying to discharge a patient who was having his surgery later that day!!! Well, he was well prepared for his discharge the next day!!!

Friday was a bit crazy, as well, as we were trying to discharge about 5 patients by lunch time (I'll explain later about the African mindset on time!) and moving our last three patients on B ward down to D ward for the weekend. After completing all of that, another nurse and I and two disciplers took several patients up on deck 7 for some fresh air. While the adults did a devotional time with the disciplers, we got to play with the three little girls from the ward. Two are about 10-12 yr and the third is the older sister of one of our babies--she's about 3yr. I finally learned to count to 3 in French, so we used the seams in the metal floor as start and finish lines for our bike/scooter/John Deer tractor races! I had the youngest girl alternately on the push bike and John Deer and then just running. Her adorable smile split her face and her brown eyes wide and sparkling--she always has a look of mischeif in her eyes!!! She was sooo cute!!! After we'd worn her down a bit, I sat playing with her, tickling her...I'd look out of the corner of my eye at her and wiggle my finger for her to come over here and she would exagerate the movements as she mimicked me back! She would turn her head way to the side and tilt it towards me while looking out of the corner of her eye, then pump her little arms, one over the other towards herself, motioning me to come or waving fists for a fight... I'm not sure which!!! It was just too cute!!! She also chattered away the whole time though I have no idea what she was saying!

Then came the washing the ship part. Warning! If you are easily grossed out, please skip this section and continue reading with the next paragraph!!! When our time out on deck was finished, the other nurse and one of the disciplers started back downstairs with everyone, but one of the patients suddenly felt sick and was quickly motioned over to the side of the ship where he promptly lost everything he had had in him! One of the long-term ladies was close by the door and came to help us. I sent the second discipler for a pan from the hospital so that we could make if "safely" back downstairs. However, the wind was blowing lightly and umm...let's just say it didn't make it all the way down (about 3-4 stories) to the water. I was really hoping that since we were having a ship's holiday (I'll explain that later), nobody would be in their cabins on that side and especially no one gazing out their portholes just at that moment!!! Well, his stomach settled some, the discipler came back with a pan, and the other nurse came back up to check on us and agreed to take him back down for me. I, however, had to somehow rinse off the side of the ship. Though there are normally engineers and deck hands around deck 7 during the day to ask for help from, because of the holiday,no one seemed to be around that day. There was a rolled up hose under the stairs so I started unrolling that but the spigot I needed to connect it to was already connected to a pipe going up the side to the pool area of deck 8. As I was contemplating how important the pipe and connection was and whether or not I could disconnect it to hook up the hose, one of the long-term men came down from deck 8 and readily connected the hose for me! So with my now-connected hose, I leaned over the railing, aimed the nozel and waited for the stream of water to pick up pressure...but it stayed at about 1/2 the strength of an average garden hose and nozel! I did alright rinsing off the railing in front of me and the side of the two decks directly below me but the wind was blowing and it was proving difficult to get the rest. Leaning out and lowering the hose about 3-4 feet, trying to aim it in the generally right direction while trying to guess how far over the wind would take it, I started giggling at the whole situation and really hoping that no one in the cabins was suffering from the unusual show!!! Since the wind wasn't helping me too much, I prayed that God would change the direction of the wind so that no one would suffer having that on or near their window and the deck hands would not have to go down on Monday to scrub it off! And He did--He turned the wind just enough to finish rinsing everything off the side of the ship! And THAT is how I washed a ship!!!

Today ended up being a little busier as I was able to discharge 2 more patients; however, I've been fighting a head cold for the last few days and was feeling really foggy-brained with a voice about 2 octaves lower than my usual and a constantly running nose. About lunch-time the charge nurse graciously excused me from the rest of my shift (a 12-hour today and tomarrow) and let me go "home"! I'm feeling a little better this evening but am hoping it's done soon! Everyone here has been passing around two versions of it for a while now--head cold and stomach bug. I'm happy just to have the head cold!

Okay...the African mindset on time...my grandmother was a missionary in Nairobi, Kenya for several years and explained that Africans have a very "now" kind of mindset--there is not much planning for the future or thought to what has already been done previously, as we in the western cultures are used to. We have our calendars and day planners filled with meetings, get-togethers, events, projects, etc. The Africans, being concerned with the now, do not plan more than a day or two in advance and have trouble understanding a list of instructions. To tell my patient that first I will take out their IV, then they they can get dressed, then they can use the phone to call family,... they will then get out of bed and call family. They tend to do whatever was last on the list and forget about the first two. There is also no concept of waiting or taking turns. However, they will share everything, no matter how little they have or how badly they need or want it. The book I talked about in an earlier blog, "Foreign to Familiar", explains that African culture is all about community--dependence on the group is encouraged, personal rights are readily given up in favor of the group's needs or desires, and you do not want to be rude to anyone (you do not want them to feel lonely or left out, so you greet everyone, you don't leave them by themself, and everyone is included in every conversation). They also do not want to disappoint anyone, especially a guest, so they will answer "yes" even if the answer is really "no". That is one thing about working through a translator that makes it nice--they will more readily answer "no" to another national than they would to me, a guest, because they do not want to disappoint me, so I get a clearer answer to my nursing questions! And because everyone is part of the conversation, you sometimes have confusion as with the man who thought that he needed the medicine for his blood before he could go home. They are also very "event oriented." We in the western culture are very conscientious of time and when given a time, try to arrive promptly or early because being late is rude to the other people involved. Here in Africa, the time given for an event is when they start to get ready for the event--getting dressed, packing, eating, etc. And that is where you hear about being on "African time!" And with the "now" and "event" mindset, trying to discharge several people at the same time gets very confusing. Each one wants to frequently remind you of what they still need before they go and each one wants it as soon as possible! You can imagine how confusing that gets! For instance, when discharging those 5 patients on Friday morning, two men requested a paper for their bosses saying that they couldn't work this week because of their surgeries. They will get an official letter at their one week follow-up appointment but needed something for this week. Well then, four of the five decided that they all needed that, as well, and frequently reminded the translator, the other nurse and myself of that need! But then, even though they were all ready to leave by 10:30am, they decided to stay and eat lunch then leave! So they sat around watching the movie that was playing and left right after lunch! I find it easiest to do everything one patient at a time and then to do or explain one task at a time. That way I know who I've already told what, they have everything they need and are ready to go, one at a time and it doesn't turn into another Thursday morning!!!

As for observing ship's holidays, becuase we are not all from the same culture or country, there are no public holidays to celebrate except for Christmas and Easter so we have ship's holidays--or a long weekend off every 6 weeks throughout the year--to give everyone a break. And this weekend is one of them. A large group of people went out Friday and come back today or tomarrow from camping on the beach! Others scatter to do all different sorts of shopping or site-seeing or just relax on-board.

So now that I've caught you up on the adventures of the last few days, I think I will go get my laundry and head back to bed! Enjoy whatever adventures God may send you today and don't forget to thank Him His little surprises!

Busy shift....

2009-08-12T11:38:00.004-04:00

Most of this morning was busy without being overwhelming, but around lunch time it started getting closer to "if only I had 3 or 4 extra hands" kind of time! By lunch time, I was needing to do vital signs on a post-op little boy, discharge a woman and do another set of vital signs on her, admit and prepare a man for surgery, and actually take another over to surgery--all in about 30-45 minutes! Thank the Lord that the process is much simpler here than at home and for nurses who are always willing to help out! But it did get done and the patients are all doing well. I think 11 of our 20 patients were here for a hernia repair, which tends to be a faster surgery so that keeps the pace on the ward moving along pretty good!

We were able to take many of our patients up to deck 7 for fresh air. Our two little boys were really disappointed that, because of their recent surgeries, they weren't allowed to ride the bikes. :0( We kept catching them sneaking over to the bikes. However, everyone got a big kick out of a man in one of the fishing boats stopping to wash himself before going into port...right in front of our ship! He seemed to get a big laugh out of it, too, when he saw us all waving but did get dressed pretty quickly! Yeah, ...one more sight you most likely will not see at home...I hope! Well, off to relax and do something mind-numbing for a little while...have a good day!

Craft market, Cloth market, and Cray Zimmy-Jeans .....

2009-08-11T12:28:00.003-04:00

Yes, travel anywhere in the city is crazy with Zimmy-Jeans (pronounced "Zimmy-Johns") or motorcycle taxis EVERYWHERE!!! Even compared to where I've been around the Dominican Republic, the zimmy-jeans here are truly crazy! Zipping in and out and around everybody and everything. Horns blairing from all over (I'll go into the language of the horn in a later post!). Cotonou is a much busier city than I had thought, especially along the main highways. Last Saturday I went with a group of friends to the craft market, about 15 minute drive from the ship. I expected it to be like the tourist market places like I've seen elsewhere--small stands lined up down either side of the street. But this is a permanent craft market and is spread between several large orange-ish/pink colored block buildings with palm thatched roofs for appearance. Some of these buildings were long with small shops down both sides of it, each displaying their variety of wares out front, as well as in on their shelves. Others were irregularly shaped roundish buildings with 3-4 shops in each so that you walked around the outside, entering any shops you were interested in. And, of course, every shopkeeper is zealously begging you to come see what they are selling. When they find out that you are from Mercy Ships, they start pitching, "You are from Mercy Ships, yes? Oh, Yes! Very good! For you we have special price! Very good! Very cheap!"...though generally they ARE special prices. Special high prices! I didn't really go to buy this time so my friend and I simply told them all, "We are just looking. We have no money to buy today. But we will come back later." That seemed to satisfy them. Some shops we didn't enter as there was a very dark feeling over the whole shop and they appeared to have mainly voodoo masks and dolls. However, most of the shops were very nice and had amazing carvings or quilts or jewelry for sale. One set of amazing chairs and table I found were very large and each carved out of only one piece of wood each. They had lions as the legs and armrests with a tree as the back of the chair. The table had outward facing lions that the table rested on. It reminded me of something that would be Aslan's throne--the Lion of Judah and the Tree of Life--from the Chronicles of Narnia!!! The salesman kept insisting that I could take them home with me on the plane... I have my doubts!!! Several of the shopkeepers allowed me to take pictures of their wares or shops. I know I keep saying this, but I AM working on figuring out a way to get a picture slideshow up on my blog. Hopefully in the next day or so. It's been a bit of a frustrating weekend trying to get them up! Back to the markets....this morning I walked with several nursing friends into the downtown markets (more like what I'm used to seeing but a little more jumbled and busy! Of course, the zimmy-jeans are still whizzing through all over, people carrying a large bowl, pan, basket, or cushion of wares on their heads to sell. I did not take any pictures there as it is too close quarters and I don't want to risk having my camera stolen. I tried to be subtle but it was just to close-quartered with everyone. Maybe another day. There is a walking bridge over the highway. There are beggars and venders up there as well, but as you look over the market on both sides of the highway, it appears to be a pile of rusty, corrugated tin interspersed with people! We went to the cloth venders looking for material for two local tailor/seamstress to make things for us. I found a beautiful storm blue, pale yellow, cream color, and gold swirly patterned material to make into a sundress and scarf. Depending on how much extra I have left over, I might make something else as well. I was able to get 6 yards for about $10 (US) or 5,000 CFA. The currency here are called CFA (pronounce "See-fah") and I didn't have very much with me. I will definitely be going back there another time and buy more then! Several venders said that they only sell material in 12 yard pieces! I'm not a big shopper but I loved it today! And looking at the women's dress styles worn around here gave me lots of good ideas for what to have made! The tailor, I'm told, is very good--he measures very carefully, has really good taste as to what will look good on each person, and does exceptional work. The seamstress is also very good and can make a variety of other things for you, as well, such as bags. Yes, the shopping here was definitely a grand adventure!

As for using some of my other time off, I've been reading a book called "The Discipline of Grace" by Jerry Bridges. I know I've not had a very good understanding of God's grace or of how much He loves me. I tend to have what Bridges describes as the "good-day, bad-day" outlook. I tend to feel closer to God on what I feel has been a good day and farther from God, or maybe even that God is upset with me, if I've messed up and had what I feel is a bad day. However, just like with salvation, God's forgiveness and presence is not based on my works--it's soley in God's grace and out of His love. And out of this love and grace, He allows us to walk freely, confidently without fear that He will leave us or push us away. His forgiveness is just that...because Jesus lived a perfect life of obedience to God (fulfilling the life of the law or God's standards of living) and died on the cross (paying the penalty for not keeping God's standards on my behalf), I have full and complete forgiveness of my sins before God. He no longer counts any of them. And that forgiveness goes for any recent sins, as well. There's no "making up for it" by being extra diligent or busy or continuing to feel guilty and pushing Him away because He couldn't possibly want me around so soon after messing up. All I need to do is simply accept that the price is paid--by all means, confessing them to God (or telling Him that I know it was wrong and He was right)--but once I've asked confessed and asked His forgiveness, it's okay again. There's nothing else to do about it, no continuing to feel guilty, no trying to make up for the bad, no trying to hide from Him because I don't feel He would want me around after that,.....No! It's covered. It's done. Nothing more is needed! Truly, our God's love is overwhelming and His grace beyond amazing! I've been working on keeping this mindset, retraining my brain to see my sin and forgiveness God's way, and it's amazing the freedom that knowledge of complete forgiveness gives! Our God is truly great!

Well, I start a week and weekend of dayshift--7am - 3pm Wed thru Fri and 7am - 7pm over the weekend. I am actually looking forward to my 12 hour shifts! I enjoy working here a lot and because we're still slow (though our main surgeon came back from vacation this week, I don't think he's working again until next week) we've had a lot of time to interact with the translators and patients. Monday when I worked, the translators had an Uno! marathon going (Augustine won 4/5 times!!!) and several different Jenga games going. It was a lot of fun! I'm feeling a little more adjusted though still frequently feel detatched from any real ministry in Africa. I was talking with another nurse from South Africa who has been here for about 6 months and is heading home, sharing what I'm feeling with her. We've both heard that from a lot of people. The beautiful thing about this trip is that the ministry is somewhat up to you--you decide what you're going to do while you're here--but it also allows you to step back, have lots of time to sit and talk with God and have Him teach you. And though the Christian atmosphere isn't as forward as we thought it would be, there are so many good resources available--the library, bible studies, churches, land ministries, etc. So all in all, no it's not what I expected but it's very good for where I'm at right now. Well, this is turning into an entire volume, so I will say "good night" ---for most of you, it will be "good afternoon." :oP

Day-to-Day...

2009-08-07T08:11:00.002-04:00

I wanted to give you an idea of my typical work day. Though what shift I work changes from week to week, I'll give you the general idea of what my day is like. First, our cabin has no windows so it is always dark and makes sleeping very comfortable and a little too easy! :0P This week I've been on evening shift so I've been staying up later and sleeping in until mid-morning...a great luxury to me!!! However, my roommate's been working nights so that she sleeps during the day. Trying not to wake her up with my not-so-graceful descents from the upper bunk, I grab my stack of clothes for the day and head into the bathroom. Once ready, I head upstairs to one of the lounges for a devotional time. After that, it's usually time for lunch, so I head into the dining room and join friends for lunch. Our head cook tries really hard to incorporate meals from all over the globe and he does a wonderful job! We've had mexican, african, italian, ...last night we had hamburgers and french fries!!! It's all really good! And lots of fruits and vegies, too! And bread, always bread!!! (For those who know me, bread is not just another food...it is a main staple!!!) From there I have some time to check my email, blog, facebook, etc., run errands, read, and anything else I need to do. Then, a little before 2pm, wearing Mercy Ships scrubs, I start my walk down our deck, through the door to the hospital, and begin checking in each ward to see where I am working for that day. For the most part, I've been working in D Ward or the ENT (Ears, Nose, Throat) ward this week. We've decided that that stands for "Everything Near Thoracic" since one of our current surgeons tackles just about anything. However, we are largely the pediatric ward, as well. So, as you can imagine, I'm loving it! So at change of shift, we pray together then have verbal hand-off from previous shifts. There is a time with both shifts present that some of us take any patients who are able to deck 7 to spend some time outside. After a time, we head back down to the ward and begin taking vital signs, checking charts for new orders, doing treatments, and giving meds. When an admission comes, the patient will first see the admissions nurse, then the doctor, then report will be passed to our charge nurse and she will handoff report to us. At that time we do any pre-op testing or teaching that needs to be done, including making sure that they're hydrated for the surgery. We also receive back patients from post-op and continue monitoring them and medicating for pain. The translators are very helpful in entertaining young patients, questioning our patients, and handing out the patient dinners. If there's nothing going on, they also pick up the guitar and start singing--a beautiful concert for free! The disciplers also come through, doing a brief bible lesson and singing and dancing, visiting with patients. By later evening, things are quieting down and we're wrapping up our treatments, charting, and medication passes. By 9:30, the night shifts arrive, we all pray together, then have verbal handoff. Generally after work, I change and head down to deck 2 to the gym (watch out Shari!!!) for awhile before showering and heading to bed. We do have time to run up for a half hr dinner break during work and of course, there's breakfast in the morning when I get up for it! And that's my day! And speaking of day, it is time to head off to work before my weekend off! Hope your day is as enjoyable as mine!

Amazing....

2009-08-05T18:55:00.003-04:00

Wow! It's been a very good first few days of work. It gets crazy at times but I love it! I've had all ages of patients, some pre-op, some post-op, some needing better nutrition before they can have surgery, ... but each of them touches you differently. The smiliest girl on the ward has a huge hole through her lip and pallet (roof of her mouth) and another boy's favorite toy is the brightly painted wooden train --we were joking around that he would probably try to sleep with it if he could! Another man says that he feels like an elephant with the feeding tube in his nose! The baby next to him, he says, sounds like a crocodile when he cries! The way they tie their babies on their backs to carry them makes them look like they are falling sometimes, especially one little boy who leans way over to the side so that he can see around mom. But I haven't seen one fall yet! On the contrary, if a mom has trouble quieting the baby, she ties him onto her back and walks or dances around, sometimes I'll see one leaning forward over the bed, the baby now able to lie flat on her back for awhile until he is sleeping sound enough that she can lay him on the bed. Also, caregivers that are staying overnight with the patient, sleep on mattresses under the bed. One poor mom had been up for two days with an 11 mo and 17 mo old babies, both still nursing. When one would fall asleep, the other would wake up screaming. Finally, the day I worked, things finally quieted down in that corner--we saw mom asleep on the mattress under the bed, the younger child alseep on the bed and the older child asleep, sprawled on the floor next to the bed! It was so cute! We did put the older child up onto the bed once we knew she was sleeping good, though! If you want to see pictures of the patients and hear their stories, you can find them on the Mercy Ships website (posted on the right side of this page). I have this weekend off so I'm planning to work on getting pictures on here if I can. I also plan to go to the craft market that day, so maybe I'll have pictures of that, as well. For Sunday, one of the translators invited us to come to his church, so another nurse and I and any others we can get are planning to go. Should be exciting--the languages are French and Fon, which neither of us speak but our friend said that he would translate it for us. One of our translators plays the guitar beautifully so when we don't need him, he sits and plays and sings worship music! It's like a free concert whenever he's working! Well, it's late here so I need to get going...talk to you later! Hope all is well with you and yours!

PRAYER REQUEST: Friends of mine in Nairobi, Kenya work for AIM Air. Just this week, a plane went down, killing the pilot and severely wounding the mechanic. The other two in the plane have more minor physical injuries. The pilot's wife and four kids are in Nairobi with family from both sides trying to arrange transportation and all their official documents needed to come over for his memorial/funeral service. The mechanic was going in for skin grafts for his severe burns and might have to be shipped to another country for other treatment. His wife has been staying with him at the hospital but they also have kids. AIM Air has also asked an outside investigator to come in and evaluate the crash, all other pilots and planes are grounded for now, and the Kenyan authorities are also conducting their investigation. My friend works in the mechanical field and asks for prayer for the families of the pilot, mechanic, and other passengers and their families, and that the investigations will go smoothly, having all the records they need and paperwork in order so that the answers can be found. Thank you!

First Day of Work....

2009-08-03T15:48:00.002-04:00

Yes, today was my first day in the hospital and it was a good one! I got to play with babies all day! When doesn't that make it a good day?!?! I am catching on to the paperwork and routines on the ward and even had time to pop into ICU and visit a short while, seeing their paperwork, responsibilities, equipment, and patient. The vents here are older than what is typically seen in Western hospitals but the nurses make the adjustments and do all of the care and treatments with the ventilated patient. In Western hospitals (particularly mine ;0P ) there are respiratory therapists and pulmonologists to do vent adjustments and treatments. Also, the nurses are responsible to draw any labs ordered. The census is lower right now, in part because one of our main surgeons is on vacation. I am told we will be much busier once he returns. I'm looking forward to that. It's a little odd for me to have all of my patients, of varying ages, all in the same room, without curtains or dividers, and them not minding it at all! Their lives revolve around community and sharing and it would be rude not to include others in the room in what they are doing or talking about. I've still got so much to learn when it comes to relating my patients but have worked with some very encouraging people!

So many emotions come with the adjustments to life here and it takes so much concentration at first to move between relating to and teaching patients, talking with the translators, and learning the processes here that I feel very drained and tired. But I'm told that within a few weeks, it will all be second nature! I look forward to that! The staff here have all been very helpful and I'm so grateful. Though I feel stupid and slow, no one has ever made me feel that they believe it true! On the contrary, most tell me that that is very normal and that they all felt the same way when they were starting here. So I oriented to dayshift today (7am - 3pm) ...will orient to evening shift tomarrow (2pm - 10pm) ...then work evening shift for the rest of the week.

Today I got to watch a large ship being led out of the port! It was fascinating! First, this large lumbering giant of a ship had to wade out backwards out of it's place. However, I'm told that large ships are extremely hard to control when going backwards (I can only imagine!), so one tug boat swings by and picks up a line off the bow (front) of the ship and another tug picks up a line off the opposite side of the stern (back) and they start a precise pattern of pulling first the stern of the ship out, away from the dock and the ship behind it, then guide it back as the props propel it slowly backwards. The tug at the bow keeps enough tension to keep the ship from turning too far until the exact moment the stern tug stops pulling it around. At that exact moment, the bow tug starts turning the bow of the ship towards the mouth of the port and the stern tug keeps enough tension so that it turns properly. Then, with loud horns, they signal the ship that they are dropping the bow and stern lines and backing away. The smaller pilot boat then slips out in front to lead it out to sea, navigating their familiar port and bay to get the ship out and safely on its way. Right after leading that cargo ship out, another larger ship started making its way in, led by the pilot boat. I was not able to stay and watch the entire process of it coming in, but saw it go from a toy ship far out to sea to a very large, blue and white monster edging around the dock into port! I'm really liking life aboard ship so far!

God is so good in the adventures He sends, and His mercy and love give me the confidence I need to feel foolish and still continue to work at things until I've learned them! He's really been pressing on me that He not just loves me ("He has to do that! He's God! And God is love!") but that He actually likes me, even when I don't like myself, and offers me His grace out of a heart full of love so that nothing will come between us! Wow! Isn't our God amazing?!?!

Well, it's been a long day and I have laundry waiting in the dryer and I'm sure someone waiting for that machine, so I need to go. May you see God's heart for you this week! I will pray you do!

A multi-cultural church service

2009-08-02T13:50:00.002-04:00

I'm afraid I don't have much time left to write tonight but I did want to tell you about the church service this morning. It was great! Our driver and interpreter, Jean-Claude, and his wife helped found a church on the edge of Cotonou, almost to the Nigerian border, 20 min. car ride from the ship. It has grown from a membership of about 15 children to over 100 men, women, and children. He said that the children would go home and tell their families all about what they were learning until their whole family would be coming to church regularly and come to know the Lord! Jean-Claude and his wife, originally of Congo, left after one year to continue travelling with Mercy Ships, but the other couple stayed on to pastor the church. The children are still largely involved with the church but their parents are getting more involved themselves now.

We started out with music--drums, gourds with bead netting over them, a piece of old pipe hit with a stick, and tin plates with rings clipped all around the edge to make a type of tambourine. And dancing--you could tell by their faces that it was more than just a movement but their own worship and praise for the Lord. They had something like a few different samba lines that would dance past the offering box so that the congregation could discreetly slip in their offerings during the dance. The languages were a little bit of a problem as most of the people speak a native language of Fan (pronounced "fawn") and a few spoke french. So the service was already being translated between those two languages. Jean-Claude then also translated it into English for us and they had a special choir number and dance in yet another tribal language! The pastor was away this sunday but the elder who spoke had a very simple but challenging sermon about why, if we have already surrendered our lives to God, would we then continue to surrender ourselves to the works of the devil and the importance of God's word in fighting those temptations. Afterwards, though none of us spoke French, the children all came by to give us hugs and the pastors family shared coconut juice and meat with us to refresh their visitors before we started home. It was a very neat experience but exhausting as I had to concentrate so hard to follow all that was going on! Well, our evening service here on the ship is starting and I need to go. May the Lord's teaching reach your heart this week!

Aboard Ship

2009-08-01T13:01:00.003-04:00

Picture a carnival cruise liner fitted with a hospital in one deck of it and that's pretty close to what it feels like to be on the Africa Mercy. It is very nice! It was originally a Dutch carrier for railway cars before it was obtained by Mercy Ships and fitted out for its current service. You can still see the rails for the loading and unloading of the railway cars in the patient waiting area of the ship. Though large, it hasn't been very complicated to find my way around. I do feel it rocking occasionally and at first, had to convince myself that, for once, it was not all in my head! However, it has actually been very calm and the ship relatively still. Being anchored in port, I have spent this afternoon watching the shipping coming and going. There are many long, narrow local fishing boats, pointed at both ends, that motor in and out of the bay. I'm always surprised that they don't tip over when pulling in their heavy nets. Since the ship is tied up to one of the outside arms of the port, from one side of the ship I can watch them drop off their nets then collect them again, often catching only a handful of fish. Then on the other side of the boat, as they come into port. they stop off our starboard (right) side, turn their motors off, strip down and pull out a jug of water to bathe before redressing in clean clothes to go into port and go home. It would be impolite to go into public dirty. One boat of fisherman saw a friend and I standing at the rails and were waving for us to come with them--motioning for us to dive overboard (down about 4 stories!) and swim over to them. We laughed and waved them off! I also see a variety of bed-sheet looking sails on some boats. A few grain cargo ships and a ship full of large metal crates are in port accross the way. I can also see a tug boat and pilot boat, which I'm told are used to guide the large ships into port. However, there were not many people seen around the docks today as it is a national holiday. Benin is celebrating it's Independence Day!

As for what it's like being here, the best description I've been able to come up with is this feeling of being suspended in mid-air. Even though I am in Africa, because I've only been here a few days, I have not yet had much contact with the people or the culture (other than the airport on the way in!). So there is that world, still largely unknown by me. Then there is the world on board ship where there are so many different cultures and people that it is a culture all its own, fascinating and overwhelming all at the same time. And both of these are so different from the world I come from that it intimidates me and yet is familiar in so many ways because humans are really not all that different from one another!

As for my accomodations, there are six berths (beds) in our room--two berths stacked like bunkbeds, two-sided wardrobe, fold out desk with a four-shelf rack mounted on the wall above that. Each berth has a small reading light and a larger, brighter overhead light. The chambers are side by side with a narrow hallway connecting them--the doorway of the last chamber at one end of the hall and room door at the other. Next to our chamber and the room door is a small bathroom--only about 2-3x's the size of an average RV bathroom. Since on all of my other missions trips I've always had cold showers or bucket-baths, I was very pleasantly surprised to realize I could take hot showers! Yay for little things! (Of course these accomodations are much different than the others I've stayed in.)

For the nurses...In the hospital, there are four wards with about 20 beds each, no curtains between patients, and sometimes family members sleeping under the bed. The paperwork is much simplified compared to what I am used to and so are the pre-op/post-op procedures. There are several operating suites, x-ray, CT scanner, lab, and pharmacy. There is also a three bed ICU, not often in use. For MMC ICU nurses... here's what's funny! We have low census here this weekend but we do actually have an ICU patient! Even though I'm hired as an ICU nurse, I'm actually only needed as a ward nurse most of the time. So it feels like home! ;0P

As for me, I've had a relaxing afternoon to explore the ship and just rest and read. I got caught up on most of the papers I was given when I came and read through a fascinating book called "Foreign to Familiar" by Sarah Lenier. She is a woman who travels all of the world and has lived in and studied a variety of cultures and found a few generalizations to make adjustment to a new culture a little easier. It was really interesting, and though I'm still thinking through a lot of what she said, it does make sense with what I've already experienced in other cultures. Very good read! And that's my book report today....

I'm looking forward to a national church service in the morning, so I'll tell you about that adventure tomarrow!

The Adventure of Travel Anywhere with a Magill!

2009-07-30T15:42:00.003-04:00

Yes, I have safely arrived in Cotonou, Benin and am aboard the African Mercy Ship, the Anastasis.

Leaving about 7am from my parents house, we were driving down to Pittsburgh to fly out when we blew a tire--I mean, completely blew the entire tire except for the back panel of it off into the woods, leaving only a bent rim and the back panel caught tightly between the axle, the wheel well, and the rim! After some work and help from AAA, we were on our way again. Arrived in Pittsburgh, flew to Atlanta, sat in Atlanta for about 7 hr. It started pouring rain right as they were preparing to board and it looked like the thunder storm was there to stay for awhile so I wasn't sure if we would be able to take off. However, it took about an hour for us to board everyone on a big Air France 767 (very big) plane and the weather had cleared by the time we had everyone and their carry-ons settled! I didn't end up having a seatmate so I was able to spread out (relative term!) to sleep off-and-on throughout the night. Flying over France the next am was amazing! We flew mostly over farmland that was beautifully patch-worked with ripe crops in the midst of harvesting--it looked like wheat, barley, maybe corn or other greens, hay, etc--and large irregular patches and strips of woods with small villages and farms scattered over it. I did get some pictures from the air but haven't yet had time to load them up....will try to do that soon. Anyway, we landed in the outskirts of Paris so I didn't even get to see the Eiffel tower from the air but even the buildings of the Paris Charles deGualt (sp?) airport are amazing. One I walked through was basically a huge, double-walled glass tube. Another was similar but was cement block with windows around the top half. And the airport was huge! I think that each gate (A, B, C, D, etc) was in a different building and I had to take a bus from gate to gate. A short lay-over in Paris and I saw a family that were wearing Mercy Ship shirts and on their way to Cotonou. I was checking my flight again when I overheard them saying that the gate for our flight had changed last minute--which was news to me! So if not for overhearing them, I would have ended up in Dubai! Then on that flight, my seatmate was a used car salesman from Benin who travels all over for his business. He decided that I must be girlfriend material and tried to exchanged numbers...I declined. But with his limited English and my two words of French we managed to have small but interesting conversations. Flying over Africa, I think we spent a lot of time over the Sahara, which I also got pictures of. It was like flying over a large muddy-looking ocean with dark brown rivers running through it at times. It was a clear day and I kept watching, trying to figure out what I was seeing until it crossed my mind that it was probably the Sahara! Arriving in Cotonou was much like entering other small international airports until I got to the luggage claim with its too-small-for-the-size-of-this-crowd conveyor and the cart men who were all jockeying to get the luggage and taxis for you! I finally shoved back until I was able to capture my bags off the conveyor and fought my way out. To add to the confusion, the electricity went out 2-3 times, as well, before being quickly restored! Thankfully I was waved through baggage checks and made it outside to cooler air to await my ride. Thanks to some very helpful cart men, I was able to contact Mercy Ships for my ride and made it the ship about 29 hours after beginning my travels!

Though very overwhelming at first, I have now had a tour of the ship (a lot less complicated than I thought it would be though also larger than I thought), have met a few roommate/nurses and others, and have slept in a flat, for the most part non-moving bed! I think I'm ready! Let the adventures begin!

It's almost here!

2009-07-22T17:03:00.002-04:00

As my adventure comes closer I feel a huge mix of nervousness, excitement, peace, confidence, and trepidation! I can't wait to meet the people there and see everything and experience everything but at the same time I am concerned that I won't be able to do the job or mess up really bad. But the truth is God is still in control and I am not (...not that I ever have been!) and He doesn't make mistakes. I am more than confident that this is where He would have me and what He wants me doing. So "Anchors away!!!!"

I believe I have finished all the shopping part of the preparation. My sister is graciously taking over my apartment so that is all set up for. I'm leaving my vehicle with my parents so that still needs some TLC and cleaning ...... hee,hee! The only things I have left to do is pack, cleaning, and printing out some papers I will need. Part of my brain is screaming, "YAY! It's almost here!" and the other part of my brain is screaming, "Oh, no! It's almost here!" Wonder which one will win in the end?!

Tonight is my last day of work before I leave. As I've said somewhere before, I have had to quit my current ICU job in order to go and am considering many different options for when I return including going back to ICU if they have a position for me. To all of my MMC friends, my unit buddies, and my weekend groupies... I love you all, am praying for all of you, and will miss you! And I better hear from you! If I can figure out how to email with an accent, Dar-Dar, I will!

Refreshing!

2009-07-11T14:35:00.002-04:00

Wow! God is so good! I now have almost all of my first month's crew fees. (I can pay them all at once or month-by-month.) It feels a little like being back in collage where we went month-by-month...if we couldn't pay I was out! You would think after growing up a missionary kid, paying my way through collage, and His faithfulness in all of this, my trust in His faithfulness would come much more easily. But that's not the case, though I am finding it easier to trust His provision for my crew fees than I did for my ticket money! But God is ever Faithful and NEVER Late!

I had such a refreshing time yesterday talking with several different alumni and friends of the Ranch (the camp where I grew up)! Melissa and I had a good time reminiscing and catching up. Carrie and I found ourselves learning about the same things in our lives. And JP and April really encouraged me as we talked about our struggles and how God can use us despite ourselves. They also gave me new things to try as I reach out those around me! God is so good in that His encouragement comes just when we really need it! I really needed that pick-me-up! And it's cool to be reminded that God likes me...not just loves me because He has to, He's God...but really likes me and wants to enjoy life with me! That's the most amazing thing ever!

Reading this morning in Paul's second letter to the Corinthians (at least the second letter we have in the Bible), I was struck by how much Paul's approach to them reflected Jesus. He kept reassuring them that he did not want their money, their possessions, their admiration for his position or power. He just wanted them to know God and to grow in Him. He keeps telling them that what was done was only for their good, their edification--even the discipline and hard words. He did it all in order that they might grow closer to God and to each other. And it struck me that that is exactly why God does all that He does with me--out of love for me and a desire that I should know Him and enjoy Him and the others that He's put in my life! That's all. All of His plans for me are for my good. Our Papa God loves us and delights in us! How cool is that?!

Well, every time I answer the question of "When do you leave again?" the time seems so much closer! It's coming fast but I think I'm almost ready....I think. But I guess, ready or not, here comes the adventure! Just a little over two weeks away! Yay!!!!!!

2009-07-04T18:25:00.002-04:00

My excitement's building as the pieces of my adventure come together! Less than four weeks to go! Happy 4th of July, everyone!

I have tickets!

2009-06-30T20:59:00.002-04:00

This afternoon, I heard back from a travel angency I'd contacted earlier this week. The average ticket I'd found was $3,400 - $4,500. With missionary discounts, they found me a great ticket for $2,915, flying out of Pittsburgh--a lot closer than I thought I would have to go, and I have the perfect amount of support for that ticket! God is so unpredictable but so amazing and faithful! Even when my faith is so small!!! "Faithful is He who has called you, who will also do it" and "Even when we are faithless, He remains faithful." Only a little bit more to go! YAY!!! I leave July 28th!

Tickets!

2009-06-29T17:56:00.003-04:00

I will have the money to buy my tickets THIS FRIDAY!!! YAY!!!! Just in time to send my Pre-Arrival form in to Mercy Ships! However, I still need my crew fees--about $1,875. Those I can pay all at once or month-by-month so I have some time. And thanks to those friends and family that have recently sent gifts towards this trip! They are a HUGE answer to my prayers!

I have really been struggling with doubt. Doubt that this is really what God wants. Doubt that God will provide (not that He can but that He will). Doubt that I can do the job there. Fear about my job situation when I get back (I have to quit in order to go!). Fears, worries, and doubts abound. But my God is faithful, and has not called me and given me peace about a trip that He will not provide for. As my sister-in-law reminded me today, "God is never early. God is never late. But God is always on time." For a person that must plan six weeks in advance to be spontaneous, this is a huge stretch and an exciting learning opportunity! I can't wait to see how he answers!

Despite the fears, I am getting very, very, very excited about the trip and all that I will experience there! I'm almost finished with the online orientation information I need to read before arriving. It's much more simplified care than what I'm used to at the hospital just to help maintain uniformity with so many patients, crew members, and resources from various locations around the world. Most of the care will be similar to what I do now in the hospital but on a much wider range of patients with some surgeries that I've not worked with before.

And, best of all, I get to attend and get involved with whichever national church I choose! I get very excited thinking about the brothers and sisters in Christ I will soon be meeting and worshipping with! In the words of Zach Brown, "God is just too good to me!"